Holly, When you meet w/your attorney, lay it all out for him. Show him exactly what you've done, your h has done and what needs to be done in order to settle up the expenses, etc. I wouldn't settle for the low end of spousal support. If you attorney feels you are entitled to a higher amount, then go w/it. This doesn't mean you are taking him to cleaners. You are only asking for what is "fair market" value of your time, love and support that you've provided in the marriage.
Take the time at the beach to relax and just enjoy. Life's far too short to allow TJ's behavior to bring you down. BTW, yes, he's a lost soul, but there's nothing you can do about it except pray. You are in control of your life and your destiny awaits you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Don't forget to tell L that we have all voted you a very high TW rating and that this is not taken lightly, or inexpensively.
This greatly increases the level of living we all expect you to become accustomed to. There are many considerations and fashion details involved in driving with the top down, splashing in the pool, and spinning round the pole. These activities have been known to create a need for fine steaks and vintage wines.
Note that I used the plural form of steak and wine, as you should not plan to dine alone ... or drive, or splash, or spin ...
You forgot to add in that she is a great pole dancer. Just kidding and trying to have some fun.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I am having a lovely vacation... I have been relaxing and laughing alot. I am playing with my friends son. He will be in Kindergarten this year, and he was learning to swim.... I get along well with him. I did speak with my L today. TJ does not have much chance with getting out of temporary spousal support. I do need to be there. Since I have a split start with 1/2 the Kindergarten class beginning that day, I am not avoiding the hearing. But how would you like your darling Kindergarten student having their first day of school with a substitute teacher? Because of a court hearing? What is wrong with my child's teacher if she has to go to court? So my L will ask for a continuance. The staggered start for Kindergarten is and has been on our website, so I just don't care if that man in MLC thinks I am delaying. Too bad for him.
I did ask my L if he needs anything from me for the continuance or the actual hearing to support myself against TJ's objection. He says no. He has everything already. He will not get out of spousal support according to my L. So I feel ok about the whole thing. I could use the cash, but that can't be avoided. My students are worth it.
For everyone who supported me while I was so down last week,,,,thank you. It hurt alot. I have overcome, and put it in perspective. It is a sad man, doing a sad thing. I can't look for anything rational or considerate from him. He will have to live with this. So I continue to trust and respect my L. He is very good. I trust him to know what to do. TJ signed the D document and returned it. I will sign it also, so we are just about done. No delays or avoiding this. Just securing my financial future. So I am toying with asking the courts to administer the spousal support. I just have a feeling TJ might follow MLC rules and play games with all sorts of payments. Any wisdom appriciated. Always spinning, Hooly
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
So I am toying with asking the courts to administer the spousal support. I just have a feeling TJ might follow MLC rules and play games with all sorts of payments.
Holly, When my X and I were working with the mediator hammering out our agreement he asked her if he would be able to just cut me a check every month. She told him that would depend on whether I trusted him to do so without any problems. She then looked at me and asked me if I trusted him to that degree. With a shake of my head I clearly said "no, I do not." She turned back to him and told him he had his answer. My support is directly deposited into my checking account each month and I don't have to wonder what he will pull as the beginning of each month rolls around.
Do what you have to do to protect yourself. Knowing you don't have to deal with jacka$$ery each month is well worth getting the order for a direct deposit through the system.
~ swl
Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear. {Henry Wadsworth Longfellow}
I am so sorry you were struggling last week. I wish you had called me, because you have certainly been there for me many times. Remember that like you told me before, this has to happen. TJ much like my H has to hit rock bottom. I am praying for you.
It says so much for your character that you are there for your students despite your own struggles. You are a very special person and TJ is a damn fool for thinking he is making the right decision. Some day he will realize that.
Almost forgot to tell you, I have a car now. So anytime you want company just let me know.
Last edited by ANewMe; 08/13/0803:44 AM.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
Yesterday was D14's first day of high school. She had a substitute teacher in one of her classes. Don't feel like you are the only one gone on that first day. I know, it's a bummer but it happens.
You are in my prayers!!
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
