Seperated but living together...

[Kiki1011]

Thanks for always being so quick to comment back Jeff...You really are a huge help!

So...last night when I got home H was in the living room. We sat and watched TV for a little while together and were talking and laughing and getting along great. He even opened up more about his Dad and I told him I was so happy for him. He then asked if I wouldn't mind putting lotion over his new tattoo in the spots on his back where it is hard for him to reach. I said sure and we walked to the bathroom. Well, right after he took his shirt of his phone rang and it was the OW. He grabbed his phone, answered it and ran outside so quick you would think there was a fire or something. He even ran out with out his shirt. So instead of waiting for him to get done talking to her I just turned all the lights off and went to bed. I heard him come inside only a couple minutes later so it wasn't too long of a conversation.

Even after that I was still optimistic this morning, but then I talked to him this afternoon. We both got home from work around the same time. He asked me if I would be getting paid tomorrow because I had told him earlier I would still help him with the mortgage since I was still living there. I said yes, so he said "Well I was wondering if you could cut me a check tomorrow morning and leave it on the fridge?", Well the mortgage isn't due until the 15th so I asked him why he needed it tomorrow and why I had to do it in the morning. His response was basically "Well I could use the money right now and I need you to do it in the morning because I am going out of town tomorrow night...I'm uuuugh going to Milwaukee for ummm a brewer's game, I just ummm got 2 tickets today" Well Milwaukee, which is an hour and a half away, is where the OW lives. And just by the sound in his voice I could tell the real reason he was going there was to see her. UGH! So basically he just asked me to write him a check so he has enough money to go spend the weekend with the OW!!!!!!

Is he serious? Come on!! How low is that? I just spent the last hour crying my eyes out (not while he was here). I want to call her so badly and scream at her! It took everything I had not to yell at him "I'm not going to give you money so you can go see your tramp!", but I didn't. I remained cool in his presence and all I said was "I'll see, but I can't promise anything". Does this warrant me saying something to him though? How far do I let this go? How can he treat me like this? I am his wife! AND I'm carrying his baby! UGH!!!! What do I do here? And now it is absolutely killing me to know that he is going up there to see here tomorrow. How am I ever going to get through work knowing that? This is my weekend to work so it's not like I can just take off and escape.

Also, found out that she is 11 years older than me!

I'm thinking about just throwing in the towel. He obviously doesn't want me anymore. Why am I wasting my time, energy, love, and tears on a man that can so easily hurt me like this withought even thinking twice. I hate him so much right now. I hate saying that but I do. I feel so much hatred and anger and rage building up in me.