Very Scared 54, I can only tell you what my experience is - but bear in mind it is different for everyone. Yes, a WAS feels hurt by leaving - that hurt stems from anger, disillusionment, and a tremendous amount of guilt. Leaving is really the last thing I wanted to do, but at the time I felt it was the only thing I could do to try to gain some type of control over myself and my life. I have had second thoughts every day since I left, and that was over 5 months ago! I am very well aware of the hurt, anger, confusion and bitterness that I have caused my H, as well as all of our friends and his family - believe me, none of this makes it easier and adds to the load of guilt I already carry around.
Do we find what we are looking for? I sure hope so, despite the fact that I haven't found it yet. Have I had a great epiphany about whether I should continue being a WAS or return home? Not yet - but I'm hoping that comes soon.
The biggest emotion a WAS feels is confusion. I have also suffered mild-moderate depression since I have left. It is not an easy choice, and it is one I struggled with for a very long time (months) before acting on it. So no, no matter how it may seem to the LBS, it is not easy for a WAS to walk and it doesn't get any easier the longer they are gone. I am haunted by that decision every day, even as freedom and the possibility of a happier future for me lurks around the corner.
I hope this helps you a bit - please feel free to ask any further questions you may have. I'm not proud to be a WAS but if I can give insight to a LBS, I am more than happy to.
Good luck to you...
By the way, smartcookie's post is haunting in its truth. It's nearly a perfect recap of my experience.
Last edited by lost3031; 08/07/0807:47 PM.
Me (WAW) 30 H (LBS) 31 T since 6/10/1994 M 8/8/98 No kids S 3/10/08 D filed 6/9/08; put on hold 7/14/08 D finalized 10/13/08
