Intimacy Amongst Imperfection

[Concerned_Listener]

I'm noticing some positive pattern changes with my W as we recover from our PT job crisis.

As she was venting to me in the car on the way home, two nights ago, she told me that I had the power to change the mood (meaning her mood). She said that if I felt so powerless, that I didn't think so, that that is a shame. It provided me an opening for a positive topic, and it did work, temporarily.

She left a voice message saying that when she gets frustrated, she feels like quitting everything. I'm not used to getting admissions of feelings with some insight. This is a break from the persistent pattern of acting-out with anger and blaming.

She's been sending me a flurry of emails, letting me know some of her stressors--financial, job, undone household chores.

She went and bought some landscaping tools this past week. I broke my procrastination with this, and started trimming some hedges and grass yesterday. She noticed and thanked me for it.

During one of her venting episodes, she mentioned our unresolved intimacy issues as a problem.

We have a dance class tonight, so should get back on track.

I'm going to try and loosen my emotional grip on the cooking job. It's really my W's job that I've been assisting with. Her sister prefers my W's meticulous ways, versus my more casual, yet consistent approach.

I think my W would quit the job, at the first opportunity. The salary is very generious, so it keeps her hooked. It pays for dance lessons and expenses like car repair. However, we are not dependent on it for monthly expenses. I don't even factor it into our budget. There wouldn't be as much disposable income.

I will follow my W's direction, assist as-needed, to the extent needed. I will accept if my W abruptly quits, or her sister decides her standards are not being met.

I may suggest to my W ways to make the job less stressful--occassional weeks off, varying the time of the drop to allow us to attend our dance venues. Otherwise, I will get back to being consistent, and let my W manage the administrative side of things with her sister.

CL