Treese sounds like you and I had similar lives and values. I can tell you now don't look for answers because there are non and all the analysing in the world will not help you. Everything at best is pure guesswork and asumptions.
My x was a great family man and now he has no contact well I wrote about this years contact! He lost all his friends really after nearly 40 years of people seeing us as a couple it was hard for them to take his mistress/wife into their lives. So he now lives abroad away from all those who knew and loved him and only keeps in touch with his elderly mum and sister/family. They turned their backs on us-not straightaway but gradually overtime their loyalties were to him the old blood thing. So at gone 50ys my world disintergrated, I do understand how you feel but think you are doing a great job. You still have a young son, mine where closer in age to your older ones when it happened so they had aready left the nest or in the process of doing so. It felt like it was just me alone! I felt for the longest time this woman had stolen my life taken over my shoes until my T said would I like to be her and have my x back. The answer immediately was NO. Maybe you could ask yourself the same question.
Naej.....my H was also a family man....he no longer keeps in contact with his old friends...he has new ones with OW....his best friend of 40 years is blown away....says this isn't the guy he used to know....its not....
my children feel as though this woman came in and stole their dad from us....and H keeps saying what a good person she is....BLAH!!!!
I do ask myself that question about wanting him to come home...right now....no...but if he were to finally get some help for himself...then yes I want him home....I do believe in my heart that we belong together...that God brought us together for a reason...and I have to follow my heart....and right now my heart is standing....
and I have not talked to H to talk about the meeting yet...today is H's birthday and I haven't wished him Happy Birthday....should I? my girls have not and will not....son will call him later....this all just sucks.....
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Not would I (me) want to have my h back, would I want to be this other woman. Given what you have said about her I think you would say no too.
I always believed my x and I were meant to be tog. He was in my life from aged 5, we played together,grew tog, dated and m, and had a family etc all together. That is a huge amount of years. We did have a happy marriage until about 6mths before he left. I put it all down to job pressure etc.
I would have taken him back in a heart beat and 8 yrs on I would never close the door to him, but I know it will not happen. He is m, has made a new life and is a v proud man. I have not put my life on hold or even think about the what ifs.
We all believe or most do that we are meant to be together, we pray and we cling onto that. We need that slim hope especially after so many years because what is the alternative----too frightening to even contemplate I know. God may not give us what we desire but He always gives us the strength we need to survive the unthinkable.
I really wish you well and hope you do get the outcome yo wish for in the meantime listen to the early advice I got. Protect yourself financially as best you can. Take care
"her best friend made the team and didn't even call my D yesterday."
I can understand that. Her friend feels bad about this and what can she possibly say to your daughter at this time? The friend made the team, your daughter got cut. I think if I were the friend, I would lay low for a few days and then get in touch with your daughter.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Well D's friends ended up coming over to the house so they are all okay....thankfully....turns out that the coach told her best friend she wouldn't be playing much and that she almost got cut...coach is not tops....lots of ppl upset with her....she didn't even have an official tryout...nothing written down....played with her baby the whole time...gggrrrrr...
So....yesterday I felt I needed to text H and tell him Happy Birthday...so I did...he texted back a little later and said, "thx...just another day..I'm still at work".....then I went out with girlfriends and had son call him and he did....said they talked for an hour...that is unusual...its normally a few minutes and then off the phone....but they talked about football and baseball....my mom was babysitting so that's how I know....
today I have a wedding to go to....weddings are hard....but its her second so it may not be that bad and it's casual....just the way I like it....so that will keep me busy for the day..
tomorrow I have to see H because it is my son's banquet for baseball....it starts at 6.....I just am feeling so uneasy about my sitch right now....it seems dead.....like I've hit a dead end...
SF...YR....did you feel this way too???
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Treese, I'm glad to see that everything is okay between your daughter and her friend. It's not easy growing up these days and then w/her father mia as well. That coach sounds like a real piece of work.
You were asking if people felt uneasy about their situations. Yes. We all did and do. It's not easy living a life in limbo and never knowing what might you say or do may be the "right or wrong" that triggers a negative reaction out of the MIAs. Then again, many feel very uneasy aroung the MIAs when they do surface because they are just so different from what we once knew and loved. It's just a very difficult journey for you and your family, but in time, when you let him go completely, detach completely, things will start to turn around a bit for you and your children because your focus will be elsewhere.
I do hope that you can relax and enjoy the festivities of the wedding. Hopefully with it being the second time around, it won't be so much of the usual stuff that goes on with the first one.
Take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Well...wedding was pretty....I sat alone most of the night...most of the people were her realatives....I said hello...and talked to a few but for the most part I just sat and watched my son in the pool...it was okay..
Yesterday was my sons baseball banquet...H was supposed to come over at 5:15 to help load stuff because I had the video stuff, food, etc....I texted him at 5:00 to see if he was still coming and he said he was on the motorcycle that he would come at 5:30 to help load and follow us...well...if I had known that I would have started loading earlier...I thought we were taking his car....anyway I loaded it myself and I was getting in the car to leave and he came down the street....followed us to the pool and helped unload my car.....
The party was fun...kids had a blast..and my video was a hit... moms were crying....anyway a bunch of us were sitting at a table and H was walking around...alone...doing stuff and finally came over and sat across from me at another table...because he might touch me....LOL...we started talking about our gambling trips and he would say the "we" & "us" stuff....I didn't pay much attention...then we were gathering stuff to leave and son asked if he was coming over and he said just to help unload....I asked him if he could keep son tonight overnight cause I was leaving early Monday morning for my trip with my mom and sister...he said, no problem...so far so good.... got home...unloaded...and he started carrying the stuff in came back to the garage, unloaded the cooler, and started gathering trash...cleaned up the frig in the garage and then came in to the house and i was in the kitchen with son and he came in sat down and started watching the olympics with son....we talked a little and he would look over at me and look me right in the eye...he's tired I can tell...anyway he ended up staying an hour and a half...as soon as he found out D16 was coming home to gather a few things for her friends he got up and left...passed D and she walked right by him....
They both left....I had no tears...heck I didn't even feel down...I do a little today but I just shut the door and went to bed last night....
So....I guess I'm trying to just be still....see what happens next...since they are different people everyday...
Today...I'm packing for my girls trip...I'm looking forward to it...just me, mom, and my sister...out to gamble...LOL!!
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Treese, I'm glad everything went well yesterday. One thing you'll need to remember on this road to Oz is that you can't rely on them to be where they are suppose to be at a certain time nor will they be there to assist you. So, in the future, just start loading up and pull away if he's not there by a certain time. He's still being a bit irresponsible and I don't want your expectations to hone in round a 5 out of 10. They should remain at zero at all times so that you aren't hurt or disappointed.
I hope that you and your family enjoy your trip away. I think you need this time to yourself, i.e., no worries, cares, etc. Pamper yourself during your "me" time. Travel safely and definitely enjoy!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks Snodderly.....I really didn't expect anything from him...as a matter of fact when he told me he was on the bike I just started loading...didn't bother me and I was on my way out of the drive when he pulled up....I was heading there with or without him....I'm really getting better at that...
Ohhh....I won $1000 the other day....Argosy here i come...woohoo.....
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
