Sawks, Here's how my C explains it. Every part of your wife's personality that drives you nuts right now is also a positive. Think long and hard about that, and turn it into a complement.
For example, she won't just let you off the hook for drinking and smoking pot, even after three months. Should she? Only three months? She expects a lot more than what you gave her in the M, and won't be easily convinced that you've changed. She thinks the changes are just to get her back, and as soon as that happens you'll go right back to being selfish and lazy. Because she's seen that countless times before.
It took a lot of strength for her to file for divorce. A weaker woman would have let you go on with your addictions. And now that she's made the decision, she wants to stick with it, even if she feels like coming back. You may not agree with her decision, but does that matter? Do you want a wife who just puts up with whatever you do?
Here's how it worked for me: "You are the strongest woman I know. I may not agree with your decision to divorce me, but I admire your strength"
"I've always admired how you think for yourself and then stick with your choices"
Every time I do this , it takes W by complete surprise. And I'm not talking about a letter or big conversation. Just drop them in here and there when she tells you what she's up to.
My C said someday, I'll get to tell my W "I admire so much that you chose to come back, against what all your friends and family were telling you". Now THAT takes strength.
I agree with all of this.. I will throw one at her soon.. thanks
Also agree with the rest of your post.. you are a pretty smart guy
