He walked out of that session feeling very depressed and hopeless. In fact the better part of the following week was spent with him actively expressing his doubt of being able to do what the C showed him.
I wanted so badly to say, 'well, if you'd get into IC yourself and work on some of your own issues of control, self-esteem, & anger, maybe it would be easier to be compassionate'.
I agree with this statement completely. My anger clouded my judgement and prevented me from seeing that I was playing a huge role in destroying my M. I belived it was all my W fault for not making me happy and she was to blame for my anger and our M problems.
There is not much you can do here. Not saying what was on your mind and validating his feeling of hopelessness was the right thing to do. Unfortunately all of his low self-esteem, depression and lack of compassion are a cause of his anger. It blocks everything out and prevents you from seeing past your own hurt. Once I learned to control it a whole bunch of possibilities opened up to me. I was able to work on other areas of my life not just my M.
We have discuessed this before. I do not know how to help you open his eyes. You would think leaving him would have done it or going to MC would help but he still seems to be in denial. I would just keep going to MC and your IC and working on the deficiencies in your communication with him. Eventually he may come around, hopefully before he really is hopeless.
Did the book help you out at all, did you like it?
Take care and have a great time in DC. I will be there this weekend also visting my brother and tubing down the Potomac.
