For the Guy with Kids and a WW 9

[hopeful4her]

Just when everyone was having fun.

Just a link to my last thread.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1534824&page=2&fpart=1

Well after work, I went to pick up S14 and then went to GBG's apartment to pick up girls. S14 had his physical today and said that the doc also gave him an eye exam. 20/20 vision. So no need to take tomorrow. All the hub bub for naught. He decided to still be with us.

SIL is at apartment with girls. She is asleep with D6. GBG comes home about 30 minutes later. I keep asking how long D6 has been asleep. SIL wakes up and I ask her as well. GBG says,
"If you don't want to be here, I can always take them to you later." Looking at me like I did something wrong. Like I WANT to be hanging out there. Her tone and look is asking me WHY I want to leave to bad. She is cracked.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, I wrote the 'she is cracked' post about an hour and a half ago.

I just had a LONG talk with S14. He came into my room while I was trying to post. He had been trying to figure out a schedule for him to split HIS time 3 ways. We sit and talk for a while. Somehow that subject of his mom and dad come up. He says how he doesn't know what happened between them. I say that I never heard the real story either. He says that his dad tells him that his mom did something really bad. His mom says that his dad was never around. I ask him what he thinks. He says he knows that his dad was a partier and hung out with his friends, but he's not sure who to believe. I ask him what HE thinks. He says doesn't know, but maybe his mom cheated on him or something, he just didn't know or who to believe.

I told him how I believe that his dad thinks that she cheated on him with me. I explain our story to him. Totally untrue. We WERE friends until after she moved out on him. They were never married. She was in her own place for a couple of months when we had a complete chance encounter. We all knew she had broken up with him. Left him. He was a boyfriend.

I told him that I would always be as honest as I can, then I correct myself and tell him that I WILL be honest with him. Always.

He asks me,
"If ya'll were friends, then what do you think of Tom? Weren't ya'll friends like mom is friends with him?"

???????????????????????????????

I'm thinking OMG! Here it is. The time has come.

"What do you know about Tom?"
"I know that they're friends and he helped her. He let her use a dolly and brought us tea."
"Have you ever met him before?"
"No. Just that day."

That started the convo with S14. My son. My stepson. I explained to him that moms and dads should not have boyfriends and girlfriends. He says that I got with a mom, too. I had to change it to husbands and wives should not have boyfriends and girlfriends. I am looking him in the eye. He starts to tell me that maybe I'm being like his dad.

I tell him that I would never accuse his mother of something that I was not ABSOLUTELY sure of. I am completely in love with his mother. I tell him that he know me. I am smarter than that. I am not going to go into detail with him, but that I am sure of what I am talking about. I told him that I didn't think that I would have ever had the balls to tell him.

He keeps asking me how I know. That they ARE just friends. He just helped her. That they talk. And they talk about stuff.

But there I was. I told him about how long. I asked him how long he thought we were having problems. It coincided with their meeting. He was reluctant to accept it. I told him that I wasn't admitting this to him for him to confront her. I just wanted him to know the truth. I didn't want him to be wondering like he is with his mom and dad.

We talk for a while. He told me not to hate him(OM). I told him that I would never accept a man that played a part in breaking up a family like he did. I tell him to NEVER do that to someone. End it first. Then move on to someone else. Pure heartache. He tells me that I should let her go. I tell him that although I still love her, I have. I had to. She made a choice and that I was no longer going to be second best. I don't deserve that.

You could tell he was in denial about it at first. Then it kind of slowly sank in. I told him that I was sorry. He told me not to be sorry. It's no ones fault.

I did not correct him. Maybe I should have, but I didn't want to seem like I wanted to argue a point. I told him that she is his mom. Always. We all make mistakes. I made mine. I was not a perfect husband. There is not perfect husband or wife. I accept my part. My responsibility for us breaking down. But not for what she did.

I let him know that it was one of the hardest things that I have done. Telling him this.

I also tell him that if I EVER hear him being around the girls again that something ugly would happen. I tell him how she has pushed all of our friends away. She has only two friends. Robin, my ex SIL, who cheated on my brother I told him.

And Tom.

I told him that even though I am letting her go, I still have hope for someday. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but someday. And that right now, I just can't be her friend. I told him how hard it is to lose your best friend of 13 years. He says that I DO need to let her go.

We finish talking. He wants to go to his room because now he is standing. He looks sad, but not angry. He kisses me goodnight. I kiss him goodnight. I think its gotten uncomfortable.



Sooooo.....

It is out. I asked him not to tell the girls. They're too young. He says that whatever was spoken about doesn't leave the room.

As I was saying, GBG was acting upset. I didn't engage her in anything. I stayed sitting. I hear her talking about probably going to bed early to her sister. She is dead tired. SIL leaves.
"Call me later. Maybe you can come back over and go work out or swimming" she tells her little sister.

I end up asking if it would be alright if we left the puppy there for a little while. I'm going to take the kids to eat and maybe we can pick it up on the way back home.
"I'll just keep it here. I don't know if I'll be here later."

VERY snippy.

"Then forget it. I'll just take it with us. It can stay in the car for an hour or so."
"No, I'll just keep it here. Don't worry about it."
Very cold. She has ice in her veins.

Getting girls ready. D11 says something about the puppy going.
"No, the puppy is staying here. Mom doesn't want us to take it."

GBG says something. She tries to explain why she will keep the puppy.D11 says, "You don't have to get mad!"
"I'm NOT mad. I'm just tired."

Funny how they ALWAYS tell her that.


We leave. She is extra loving with them tonight. We say a couple of words to each other. No goodbye.

After dinner at home watching a movie, I remind D11 to call her mom. She talks. D6 talks. She wants to talk to me.

"How are they? Are they alright?"
"They're fine. We were watching a movie, D6 started to fall asleep, so I had to remind them to call you."
"Okay."

A little talk about how her phone sounds funny. She is out on the patio.

"I should have let you take the puppy. Maintenance is coming tomorrow to fix the toilet."
"I TRIED to", I say, nearly scolding.
"I know."

"Well, give them a hug and kiss for me. Tell that I miss them very much." Now she sounds sad. Or lonely. SIL was there with her again.
"Okay. Bye" I tell her quickly.
A quiet, "Bye."

I have no idea if I did the right thing tonight or not. I didn't think I was going to do it.

But seeing him try to figure out what happened between his parents was hard to see. He won't have to guess with us.

When he was trying to defend her. He's just a friend. That maybe I was thinking the way his dad was thinking about me. Me telling him that I have all the proof I need. That was really hard. Trying to assure him that I would not falsely accuse. I told him that I would have done or told him the same thing. I wouldn't want to make my self look bad like that. Who would want people to know something like that?

Again, he won't have to guess with us. And that makes me sad. I hope to God that I did not do the wrong thing.

I just remembered something. I couple of months ago, while having an argument with GBG, I had said something about her and her ex. About them not making it. Always fighting.

I told her,
"I have no IDEA what happened between you! All I know is what you used to tell all of us at work! You always made him sound like a jerk. But all we know is what you told us and how he treated you like sh*t!"

She replied, "Maybe I deserved it."

Now that remark has me wondering.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

You did the right thing. And I thought you handled it beautifully.

That must've been really hard. I'm sorry.

Puppy

[kat727]

I replied to your question on my thread. I think your son was ready for the truth and he came to the person that he knew would/could tell him. You did fine. Let him know that he can always come to you if he has more questions and that everything that you do is out of love for them and their mother.

kat

[karen43]

I replied to your question on my thread. I think your son was ready for the truth and he came to the person that he knew would/could tell him. You did fine. Let him know that he can always come to you if he has more questions and that everything that you do is out of love for them and their mother.

kat

I think you did the right thing too. He knows he has a truthful person he can talk to, and I think that's a good thing. I think it's horrible that my H lies to the kids and says the OW is just a friend. My S14 knew that wasn't true, and can't be good for him to have a dad like that: a cheater and a liar--great role model.

[Sugar and Spice]

(((H4H))) You did great. Your son was ready for the truth and he got it. We all know how hard the truth is sometimes, especially when we want to believe something else.

You did a great job.

(((Hugs)))

BTW...Eunice? No wonder Mr. Howell called her "Lovey." LOL

[kat727]

My grandma's name was Eunice, bless her. When I wanted to honor her by naming D7 after her I did it in a different way. Had the E from Eunice and then put together variations of other important women in our lives and also used a varaition of grandma's catholic name with my Mom's name for her middle name. Elena Marie...couldn't put more love in that name if I tried. Oh and we pronounce her first name I think more like they do in Russia: E-lain-uh. But her nickname is Boo.

kat

[Sugar and Spice]

Kat, not tryin' to dis the name Eunice at all. I was just trying to picture it in my minds eye how Mr. Howell would have sounded saying "Eunice" instead of "Lovey" in that snobby voice he had. No disrespect meant.

[kat727]

Oh none taken. Even though I loved my grandma dearly, I just couldn't come to name my baby Eunice in this day and age. She would have been the first one to understand. So really no harm, no foul.

kat

[Sugar and Spice]

(((Kat))) I hear yah. I had an Aunt Gertrude who was just dear to me, but there was no way on God's Green Earth that I was going to stick the doodlebug with that handle. My middle name is bad enough, there is no need to add insult to injury.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Aunt Gertrude? Really? What are you, Nancy Drew???