As to D23...it does suck that she has to schedule things so you and x don't run into each other. I'm trying to read up on co-parenting, myself, and they say that this continued tension is very hard on our kids. You have been at this a long time, and your D is a young adult--it seems like you may be expecting too much of her maturity when it comes to you and x. She is still made up of 1/2 him...it explains why she asked you not to talk about him.
It might just have to become a taboo subject between you and her. Vent to a independent friend, vent here, but not to her. Kids don't want to be in the middle, they don't want to take sides. Couple that along with her self-centeredness (hopefully, she will soon grow past that within the next year or two as her brain finishes "cooking"), and it makes sense that you are having a bump in the relationship. Did you have issues with her through adolescence? Could this just be a delayed reaction? If so, it should pass quickly.
Maybe you can try talking to her about it when there isn't a pressing issue, about how it made you feel when she was flippant and didn't seem to appreciate what you were doing for her. With her current world-view, she probably doesn't even realize it, and you can use it as a teaching / bonding experience. Seems like it always comes down to communication...
You are both recovering from a recent loss, too--your father, her grandfather...makes people react in some strange ways. Be easy on yourself if you seem a little short with everybody. You still have to go through all of the stages of grief there, too.
The camping trip sounds yummy! Sounds like you are making positive steps in taking care of you! Keep that up, and all else will fall into place.
