Completely and utterly devastated--how to cope

[istherehope]

H always (well post-bomb) said he wanted to separate, get lots of space, miss me etc., to be separate but in contact. So he has made no warm overtures or anything, but is ALWAYS contacting me via IM. I really never start the contact unless there is something actually critical, like about the pets or a large expense.

Yesterday he was on a biz trip and chatted for about 15 minutes about this restaurant he'd been to and how much he liked it. The day before it was about the review his boss had given him at work, last night it was about setting up IC sessions for him (which ended in him using my pet name), and today it is about whether we can afford sailing lessons for him. Today's conversation makes no sense to me, just started out about whether we had money for the lessons, and I said we were tight but as he's always wanted to do it we should make it work (to validate that the things he wants to do are very important--I never did this before). Then he mentions his business trip next week, he only said "OK so next week in Germany", nothing else. I waited awhile, as this seemed to need a response (I'll be staying at the house while he's gone),then I finally respond with--oh right for 2 nights or something? Then he just says "something like that", and that he's running to the store for something. I fully expect he'll come back soon and start some other random conversation about being hungry, or needing to do laundry...

OK, again, I know I am being obsessive and reading too much into each little thing that he does instead of worrying about myself (I promise though--I am also worrying about myself!), but I really just want to get another perspective on this kind of contact. Does it seem positive, neutral, etc.? I haven't made any major slip-ups, no R talk, no ILY, no asking him to do anything, no I miss yous, no jealous questions about what he does in his free time. I just don't understand what he is trying to get out of these conversations with me. It's very difficult to read someone's tone electronically :). For my part I always insert playful emoticons like thumbs up and dancing symbols to keep the mood light and playful, but I am just so confused...I don't know whether all of this is a good or bad thing, or whether he just feels guilty for things and that he should be talking to me? Maybe his DB coach suggested some actions; whatever she did say to him, he really seemed to be in need of another appointment as quickly as possible!

OK time to go back to work and quit obsessing!

ITH