I think jon is getting at more unique compliments. I.e. what is something you guys have fought about? She is too ___. Nags? Irish temper? Slow with the housework? Turn it into a compliment. She is not afraid to tell you when she thinks something is wrong (or if she doesn't, go with nice/polite/etc). Tell her how boring your life would be without her quick flashes of anger. Tell her you like that she doesn't obsess over the house and takes time to appreciate other things (or if she does, tell her how you appreciate how things are always done). Does that make sense? It's WAY more personal than "you look nice" and is a subtle way of breaking her stereotype of the things you argue about.
My roommate and I often cook for each other when we are home on the same evenings, and take leftovers for food, but she is about the bestest roommate ever and I certainly never had that kind of arrangement with anyone else besides my STBXH. Take is as a VERY nice positive, but don't let it lead to expectations.
We fought about things like me procrastinating , drinking or smoking..i don't do any of those and havent in a couple months.. but i get it..
She did nag alot.. thing is right now we aren't arguing..
W has always cooked "our" lunches/ suppers.. something i never really did, i just ate..
And yes no expectations... funny i snooped again and she complains that i smoked/drank/smoked pot.. but i have done none of those for nearly 3 months.. why the constant complaints.. i guess we had no good times together?
Maybe in a couple of day you could cook something to share. The give and take might make her take notice. I'm not sure if this would be an 180 for you but I bet her tummy will thank you
As for the compliments...the chile man the chile. Compliment her on the chile (not everyone can make a good pot of "chile con carne")
((newfie)) and ((michelle)) because i forgot in the other post.
Oh it will get a compliment, as i know it will be Good!
i know she has alot of "singles" mingles plans coming up in Sept.. i wonder if single life is as good as she thinks.. time will tell?
Why the constant complaints? Because you have made huge changes and become a better person. She needs to complain to remind herself and others why she's making the decision to leave. She'd rather think about those times than the good times that you had together. That way she doesn't have to second guess herself.
Your wife is a tough one as she gives no indication whatsoever as to what she's thinking. The divorce papers are never brought up, or even the divorce itself. The email was never even mentioned. She doesn't even get flirty/horny (for lack of a better word). Yet, she doesn't seem angry either. She's confused for sure!
And the single life is never as good as it looks.
The grass isn't greener...it's astroturf.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
Why the constant complaints? Because you have made huge changes and become a better person. She needs to complain to remind herself and others why she's making the decision to leave. She'd rather think about those times than the good times that you had together. That way she doesn't have to second guess herself.
Your wife is a tough one as she gives no indication whatsoever as to what she's thinking. The divorce papers are never brought up, or even the divorce itself. The email was never even mentioned. She doesn't even get flirty/horny (for lack of a better word). Yet, she doesn't seem angry either. She's confused for sure!
And the single life is never as good as it looks.
The grass isn't greener...it's astroturf.
I don't want to seem arrogant or over confident, but i have a few women that have expressed interest in me, and the 2 are hot..
Yes she is a tough one to crack, lately she just sits in her(our) bedroom and sits on her laptop all night (the last couple nights).. i know she is expecting me to be a mess and be sitting in the bonus room crying and so forth, but truth of the matter, that couldn't be further from the truth and she knows it.
The papers are never brought up, neither is the D. I think she is confused, but i am not about to ask her that.
funny one of her friends indicated that i am not normal.. why because i used to like to drink and smoke pot? so what i don't do that anymore, so that's just a fruitless excuse. her friend is 35 and still lives at home, who's not normal? LMAO
Oh heck, if drinking and smoking pot is not normal, and then deciding not to do it anymore, well, heck, I think half the planet would be abnormal!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Sawks, Here's how my C explains it. Every part of your wife's personality that drives you nuts right now is also a positive. Think long and hard about that, and turn it into a complement.
For example, she won't just let you off the hook for drinking and smoking pot, even after three months. Should she? Only three months? She expects a lot more than what you gave her in the M, and won't be easily convinced that you've changed. She thinks the changes are just to get her back, and as soon as that happens you'll go right back to being selfish and lazy. Because she's seen that countless times before.
It took a lot of strength for her to file for divorce. A weaker woman would have let you go on with your addictions. And now that she's made the decision, she wants to stick with it, even if she feels like coming back. You may not agree with her decision, but does that matter? Do you want a wife who just puts up with whatever you do?
Here's how it worked for me: "You are the strongest woman I know. I may not agree with your decision to divorce me, but I admire your strength"
"I've always admired how you think for yourself and then stick with your choices"
Every time I do this , it takes W by complete surprise. And I'm not talking about a letter or big conversation. Just drop them in here and there when she tells you what she's up to.
My C said someday, I'll get to tell my W "I admire so much that you chose to come back, against what all your friends and family were telling you". Now THAT takes strength.
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
Sawks, Here's how my C explains it. Every part of your wife's personality that drives you nuts right now is also a positive. Think long and hard about that, and turn it into a complement.
For example, she won't just let you off the hook for drinking and smoking pot, even after three months. Should she? Only three months? She expects a lot more than what you gave her in the M, and won't be easily convinced that you've changed. She thinks the changes are just to get her back, and as soon as that happens you'll go right back to being selfish and lazy. Because she's seen that countless times before.
It took a lot of strength for her to file for divorce. A weaker woman would have let you go on with your addictions. And now that she's made the decision, she wants to stick with it, even if she feels like coming back. You may not agree with her decision, but does that matter? Do you want a wife who just puts up with whatever you do?
Here's how it worked for me: "You are the strongest woman I know. I may not agree with your decision to divorce me, but I admire your strength"
"I've always admired how you think for yourself and then stick with your choices"
Every time I do this , it takes W by complete surprise. And I'm not talking about a letter or big conversation. Just drop them in here and there when she tells you what she's up to.
My C said someday, I'll get to tell my W "I admire so much that you chose to come back, against what all your friends and family were telling you". Now THAT takes strength.
I agree with all of this.. I will throw one at her soon.. thanks
Also agree with the rest of your post.. you are a pretty smart guy
