I like cake and I like eating it (that is why I have joined a gym ) however seeing my h 'having his cake and eating it' ate me up for a long time. Then I realised that it was my perception not actual reality, it was one more thing to blame him for and to martyr myself with. Once I let go of that I felt so much better and actually he isn't having his cake and eating it at all and I don't think he views his situation as that either.
I know he felt a lot of pressure when I loaded him with my perception/ opinion of things though (his cake-eating/ living the life of Riley) and it was one more reason to not come home or be responsive in anyway to me. It was a very negative way of thinking for me and a big turning point for me personally when I let it go.
When asked about my sitch by family and friends I know that they perceive that I am a door mat and that he is having his cake and eating it however when I go on to briefly explain some of the results I am getting and show how positive I am at the moment they change their mind, or keep their opinions to themselves at least. I also don't then feel disloyal to my h by saying negative things about him which helps me and helps me be more respectful to him. It doesn't mean I don't talk about my h and my feelings to trusted friends and family but when I was talking about his cake-eating I felt I was 'slagging him off' - to use an expression.
) however seeing my h 'having his cake and eating it' ate me up for a long time. Then I realised that it was my perception not actual reality, it was one more thing to blame him for and to martyr myself with. Once I let go of that I felt so much better and actually he isn't having his cake and eating it at all and I don't think he views his situation as that either. 