I just had a bit of an "A-ha!" moment, and wanted to share this thought.
I'm thinking that it may make a difference if the betrayed spouse is offering up unconditional love (no boundaries, no ultimatums, etc.) as an intentional STRATEGY, as opposed to some that CLAIM it's a strategy, but their past marital and interpersonal history shows that it's probably just more out of fear and passivity than anything intentional.
IOW, the betrayed spouse can withstand the humiliation/emasculation that comes with "cake-eating" if they KNOW that they are doing it selflessly, intentionally, and as a strategy, as opposed to those I've counseled (and we've all seen) that are just plain "afraid to make her/him mad," and are not really feeling good at all about what's being done to them.
