Hi Alison, I don't know anyone who has done this but I am sure it can be done. Why are you thinking this ? I know at times I did not like what my solicitor told me but I felt she knew her stuff.I must have drove her mad with my stalling, not returning forms etc but I was an emotional wreck. I felt she was too clinical and couldn't see the glaringly obvious that I was a loyal and faithful wife and my husband was having an affair!!! I guess looking back it wouldn't have got us very far if she had been emotional or moralistic. They need to be calm and detached. In the end I didn't get as much as some people I knew but I got what was fair and it didn't cost me as much as those who went to court and fought over everything. Changing a legal separation to a D was fairly simple. Good luck.
I've made a really good friend out of a woman I met here on the BB. Our sitches are similar. Her D is further forward than mine and she has been very generous with sharing information that she has found out. Most of this my L has not mentioned until I ask her about it and then she says 'oh yes we could do that'. I knew before I took her on that she didn't just specialise in D as she is a single hander but at first I didn't think that would matter. She is very clinical but I do like her and i think I can trust her. I'm just getting uneasy about the fact that every time i go to see her abuot Hs latest tricks she tells me there is nothing she can do and then i find out afterwards that actually there might be.
I wanted a legal S right at the beginning but the original L that I saw for advice told me that they weren't generally used in UK and that even if I filed for one H could have it immediately turned into a D petition. I didn't (and still don't) want that so I shyed away from it.
I feel so alone in all of this. To make matters worse she wanted me to see a financial advisor for various different reasons. I already had one of those so I thought it would be easy. I made the appointment (which should be on Friday) but then his secretary rang me back and said it would cost £175/hour. I've seen this guy twice before (once with H and once when H first left) and he never charged me either time before. I'm sure it is b/c I said my L had asked me to see him. It's really ironic that the one time I have almost been mandated to see him is the one time I really can't afford to see him. I've still got the appointment for now but thinking about cancelling.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Maybe you should go with your gut on this, ACJ. Could you use the same L as your friend?
Thinking of ya!
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." Peace Pilgrim
Hi Alison, I had a legal sep. but it was converted to a D shortly after but it was much cheaper. Your H will be able to go the D route by the end of the year anyway,thats if you agree or he goes for unreasonable behaviour or whatever the tec. term is. If you feel this person is not doing what you want or what is allowed legally then change-after all your paying. I had a family law solicitor.
You would think the law is the law and as such all solicitors would give same advice I know wishful thinking.
I guess it's how much you want to fight this and draw it out. I know it is not what you want, me neither but I do know the longer it goes on the more you pay and also the less likely your H will be reasonable. SOOOOOOOOOOOOO I guess I wasn't much help.
When you saw financial chap before were you getting pension or policies, becaause if so they take commission out of whatever they "sold you" maybe you could ask why the cost. I guess it will be because they have to draw up documents that you can produce as evidence. Like the GP's now charge for health checks for life Ins. policies. How's things going otherwise,did you decide on another job?
How's things going otherwise,did you decide on another job?
Still looking. The main problem is that to get the salary I need to keep afloat I really need a job two levels above where I am. It's actually only really one level above what i am capable of (as I'm currently very undervalued by my employers). There are two strands to this making it difficult. The first being that this level of job is senior management and they don't come up very often. The second one is proving I am actually capable of what they are looking for. So for now I'm looking for extra hours at the weekend and maybe in the evening to supplement what I get now until something substantial comes up.
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H will be able to go the D route by the end of the year anyway,thats if you agree or he goes for unreasonable behaviour or whatever the tec. term is
That point was actually last November. He's been threatening to D me on grounds of my unreasonable behaviour but has so far failed to put in the papers. That used to be a button he could press but he can't now. If he wishes to hide behind me as a reason for his own lacking then so be it. The important people (me and my children) know the real truth and that is all that really matters.
I did tell him a few months ago that when the financials are sorted i will agree to D. He didn't believe me. Either way I'm still not going to do it for him. He has to do the hard work for this. It's his war not mine. I'm just a survivor of the battles.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
No Naej I haven't yet decided. I'm still trying to find out what consequences there might be (like having to go through all the form filling all over again).
D13 is running me ragged at the moment. A few nights ago she wouldn't come of the computer and go to bed and i had to loose my temper. Last night I caught her on her mobile at 1.30am so I told her to immediately say good bye and switch it off. She did BUT then at 2.30am she was in the kitchen ringing the person back again. I confiscated the phone. She kept coming into my room throughout the night to see if she could find it and take it back. Needless to say I didn't get much sleep.
The phone is now locked in my safe (which only I know the combination to). She tried to force me to give it her back this morning by taking mine but I just told her it was ok b/c I would have it temporarily blocked so she couldn't use it. I also reminded her that her grandparents pay her phone rental and that it was up for renewal and that she should consider who they were more likely to listen to if I happened to be relaying the story to them. After this she scrapped her plans to trash my bedroom.
She's been out with H today. She decided to tell me this plan when I confiscated the phone at 2.30am. She was trying to say she needed her phone back as she had set an alarm to wake her up so she wouldn't miss him coming to collect her. I kindly woke her up in time instead.
Now that she is back she wants the phone back but I've told her no as otherwise she won't feel the full force of the punishment. She's trying to punish me back but isn't getting very far. Like i said to her this is my third time of going through this. I am a pro whereas it is her first time and has a lot to learn
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Keep on surviving the battles
I think that will end up being on my headstone!
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Oh ACJ, You just amaze me. I couldn't do what you are doing. You are so strong. Like naej said, there must be soon some good time coming your way!
I also think that you need to get another L. If your current one does not advice you correctly, it will not be good for you financially. I hope you will be able to sort that out. (((HUGS)))
