I want to suggest a book that has helped me tremendously by the time I was done with the first chapter. It is called the Praying Wife, and there is a book and workbook. Be advised it is a spirituality book and teaches you how to pray for your H, as well as yourself, to give clarity, and help you with the issues you are having right now. I am not sure I am really religious, I do go to church but it is a rock n roll place that is hoppin', not traditional at all. But this book, out of all the ones I have read, has given me such a sense of peace that I would like to share it with everyone! If you do get it, make sure you have a Bible...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I think I will check that book out. I've heard a few people talk about it on here. Anything to help work through the fogginess. and I do have a bible.
I am going to Austin in October for a week. Too bad you're not just a "tad" closer. We could have some fun.
Last night wasn't so bad. When I got home from work, H was there with dinner almost ready. He made stir-fry. YUM. We put down the rest of the bark mulch he'd had delivered. What a chore that was. We have a double decker retaining wall at the back of our property, I was trying to spread that stuff out while keeping my balance and staying on the wall. YIKES. People don't call me graceful for nothing.
After, we took showers, I ran to 7-11 for a sweet treat, came home, snuggled up on the couch with a movie. Went to bed and snuggled for alittle while, and he let me read in bed!! I LOVE to read in bed, but he usually complains about the light. Lately he has been encouraging me to read in bed, saying it doesn't bother him. So that's a nice positive.
This morning when he left to go to work he said he wasn't going to come by tonight because he had to get stuff ready to go up to his dad's this weekend. Needs to do laundry etc. He wants to spend tomorrow night with me, if that's alright with me.
Soooo...I have the house to myself tonight. ALL ALONE. I am really looking forward to it. I think I might stop and get some ice cream for dinner. :):)
Do check that book. I am a lapsed Catholic, and have problems with the more traditional religions, but the Pastor at the church I attend refers to a "relationship" with God versus a religion, and I like that. This book kind of falls into that, and really gives you the tools to think and break down prayers for your H.
It is too bad Austin isn't closer, but let me run a yahoo map and get a general idea. I have never been above a road trip
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I haven't really posted on my thread, because I've been trying not to think about my situation for a little while. H went to his dads a couple weeks ago and ended up staying 2 weeks instead of 1. He went up to help after his dad's back surgery. His uncle who he has been staying with went with him. His family reunion was the Saturday after he went up (1 wk later) and he planned to come home the next Sunday.
Anyway, D and I ended up going up on Thursday afternoon and staying until Monday. I had only planned to stay until Sunday, but on Friday his grandma fell and broke her hip. It threw everyone for a loop. They had relatives out from ND and some from Calif. They were spread out at various houses. The original plan was each house would take care of 2 meals, but with his grandma getting hurt, all his aunts were taking shifts at the hospital with her. So D and I ended up doing a lot of work getting the park (family owned) ready for the reunion, cooking for everyone, cleaning up etc. It was nice to feel needed and not like we were in the way. We had a great time, enjoyed everyone, and H enjoyed us and was very appreciative of both of us.
So he came home Saturday. After dropping his uncle off, doing some quick laundry, he was over to the house and stayed until this morning. He was in a foul mood Sat.venting about his mom, and just grumpy in general. It felt like it was being directed at me and not just venting. I was getting teary eyed, started wishing he was there, but yet wanted him there. We talked did end up talking about it. He realized what he was doing and apologized. After thinking about it he realized the reason he was in a "mood" was because he didn't want to come back to our town. (we're both ready to move on from here) Yet, he couldn't stay at his dad's any longer, he doesn't want to be at his uncle's, he's still hesitant to come home, so he's feeling like he has no home and nowhere to really be.
I told him I understood, but if he expected me to feel sorry for him, I didn't. He is where he is by his own choice and no one else's. After a few moments, he readily agreed.
Then he started stressing on Sunday about his family coming into town. His brother and his wife were coming in to camp out at the dunes, his dad and stepmom will be here Wed. They're all staying through the weekend. He didn't feel like going out to the camp, but felt like he should, he had stuff he wanted to do, and he just wanted to relax at home. We worked through that after I pointed out that his family wasn't coming to see him, that he just happened to live here. That they would still be here later for him to see if he wanted to. He thought about it and realized that was true and quit stressing about.
There were a ton of other things he stressed about this weekend that would go on for pages. We managed to work through them all. He was able to identify why he felt certain things and talk about them, which was huge. Overall though, it was really stressful for me. He's just in a weird spot right now, and it boils down to he wants to be home, but he doesn't want to be home. He wants to be with me, but he's not ready for that next leap yet. There isn't anything I can do about this right now, he has to work through this himself. All I can do is continue to be here and listen when he needs me to.
He didn't spend the night here tonight. He went back to his uncle's. Which I think was probably good. I did miss him after work, once I got settled in for the evening. That's good I guess. I also think its good for him to have an evening out there where he hates to be.
He really has some issues to work through with his mom right now. That's another long story, for another day, but suffice it to say she is really adding undue stress to his life right now.
So how am I doing? I am doing ok. Plugging along, taking care of life. Trying to stay strong enough to deal with whatever comes next.
Just thought I would pop in and say: WTF were you still doing up at 2:30 in the morning???
(((Amy)))
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
