I'm really regretting the decision to do in-person counseling here, although the one positive from it is that it shows that H hasn't completely given up. We went last week, and I swear the counselor made it worse. He suggested seeing each other once every 2 weeks was too often, and even said the words, "you used to be in love with each other." H has never said he's not in love now; I am pretty sure this is how he feels, but he doesn't need to be led into this! I said how I hoped H would come visit while I was in Poland and that I'd love to share new experiences with him, and counselor said "H needs to decide that on his own, he might just not be ready." Really it was like the whole session was to validate and encourage his unhappiness with me.
We have 1 more session scheduled for tomorrow, then I leave for Poland. I am really wrestling with whether we should go or not. If I pull the plug on it, H is losing the 1 chance where he feels like he can truly open up (we used to fight a lot so he thought he couldn't talk to me), and it also looks like I am controlling.
On the positive side, H is talking to a DB coach regularly. He is not doing it with the express will to save the marriage, but at least it is someone marriage focused, so he won't get advice about seeing me less etc. He really, really wants to talk to someone on his own, and that was his own idea, so I'm pleased about it. In fact we are also going to have a joint phone session with a DB coach in a few weeks. This seems like a healthier counseling alternative for us at the moment.
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
