The C session was really interesting. I really wish I could have a transcript of it so I could share some of it with you. Listening to my H tonight, I could almost hear the door close on some of his issues as he talked about them. My H talked a lot about how things got to the point where he felt he had to leave the M and he actually said it took a lot of "courage" for him to leave (the C says because he felt he was weak). I told him it would have taken a lot more courage for him to stay. He claimed he had to go because we weren't listening to each other and nothing would have changed if he had stayed. Then he said after his D left for college he just felt like he was living my life and things got worse after we sold our house and we were going to buy my father's house. He talked about how I didn't understand that he needed his autonomy (guy time) and I admitted the more he pulled away, the more clingy I got. He seemed to appreciate that admission.
My H said he understands now that the anger he felt when he first left wasn't anger toward me or the marriage but at himself...it was almost as if he realized tonight that the M wasn't really the problem and he even admitted that none of the issues in our M were insurmountable. He said he realizes how hard this has all been on me and understands that he has hurt me and my family. He talked about our relationship now and how comfortable it is and how we enjoy each others company. The C asked when my H recognized that he still wanted me in his life. My H mentioned something about a time when we had very little contact but that it was something that was really very gradual.
I tried to get my H to talk about not feeling comfortable with the idea of living at my house. Apparently my H isn't ready to deal with any of that yet.
I talked to my H about the cell phone account password...of course, he down played it and tells me he will give me the password. I am sure he just doesn't want me to check up on who he is talking to for whatever reason. I don't want the password. I don't want the kind of relationship where I have to be checking out phone records.
