W sent me 7 texts of all varieties yesterday.. weird, everything from asking about the house price, to when am i getting my surgery to are you home ..etc
Keep things a little dim, IMHO. See how she reacts.
How do you mean dim? As in dark?
Also how does this email sound? W asked me to buy her perfume when i was in Alaska.. she'd pay me when i got home.. so i did. She asked me to get her protein mix when i went to the supplements store and she'd pay me when i get back.. so i did.. that's 200 bucks..
this is the email i will send.
So the protein mix was 90 and perfume was 70 something. Also my work is not paying for your membership at the gym, they said “the wellness program is only for employees not their spouses” so the bi-weekly payments have been coming off my card, what do you want to do with that?
Let me know , no rush on anything. I don’t mind paying. Too easy ?
Sawks, Have you tried complementing her when you see her? Spend a long time thinking about specific things that you admire. Especially the things that tick you off right now. (i.e. she's very strong, to not just ignore what your gambling and go on as if the M was OK).
My C gave me this advice, and I've seen dramatic results. She's probably feeling some guilt and wondering how things could ever work again.
Me: 30 W: 28 T 8, M 6 S: 7-27-2007 W filed (again) 3-2011 Served 8-2011 Responded, now dark "I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear" MLK
Sawks, Have you tried complementing her when you see her? Spend a long time thinking about specific things that you admire. Especially the things that tick you off right now. (i.e. she's very strong, to not just ignore what your gambling and go on as if the M was OK).
My C gave me this advice, and I've seen dramatic results. She's probably feeling some guilt and wondering how things could ever work again.
Complementing her as in "you look nice" and such? Yep tried that and got a " don't tell her she looks good" from her sister and from her.. so i stopped..
Recently however, i did mention " is that a new top? it looks nice" .. that sort of thing.
Who knows what she is thinking.. i never got any reply from the email, which is fine. It may still come, in time..whichever.
I almost don't know what to say to her anymore, almost like it has come to a conclusion, we are friends and that's that.
Something else, she went grocery shopping, and is going to make a big crock pot of chili for both our lunches. Funny I don't remember my roomate(before i was married) ever cooking my lunches for me..
I think jon is getting at more unique compliments. I.e. what is something you guys have fought about? She is too ___. Nags? Irish temper? Slow with the housework? Turn it into a compliment. She is not afraid to tell you when she thinks something is wrong (or if she doesn't, go with nice/polite/etc). Tell her how boring your life would be without her quick flashes of anger. Tell her you like that she doesn't obsess over the house and takes time to appreciate other things (or if she does, tell her how you appreciate how things are always done). Does that make sense? It's WAY more personal than "you look nice" and is a subtle way of breaking her stereotype of the things you argue about.
My roommate and I often cook for each other when we are home on the same evenings, and take leftovers for food, but she is about the bestest roommate ever and I certainly never had that kind of arrangement with anyone else besides my STBXH. Take is as a VERY nice positive, but don't let it lead to expectations.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Maybe in a couple of day you could cook something to share. The give and take might make her take notice. I'm not sure if this would be an 180 for you but I bet her tummy will thank you
As for the compliments...the chile man the chile. Compliment her on the chile (not everyone can make a good pot of "chile con carne")
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
I think jon is getting at more unique compliments. I.e. what is something you guys have fought about? She is too ___. Nags? Irish temper? Slow with the housework? Turn it into a compliment. She is not afraid to tell you when she thinks something is wrong (or if she doesn't, go with nice/polite/etc). Tell her how boring your life would be without her quick flashes of anger. Tell her you like that she doesn't obsess over the house and takes time to appreciate other things (or if she does, tell her how you appreciate how things are always done). Does that make sense? It's WAY more personal than "you look nice" and is a subtle way of breaking her stereotype of the things you argue about.
My roommate and I often cook for each other when we are home on the same evenings, and take leftovers for food, but she is about the bestest roommate ever and I certainly never had that kind of arrangement with anyone else besides my STBXH. Take is as a VERY nice positive, but don't let it lead to expectations.
We fought about things like me procrastinating , drinking or smoking..i don't do any of those and havent in a couple months.. but i get it..
She did nag alot.. thing is right now we aren't arguing..
W has always cooked "our" lunches/ suppers.. something i never really did, i just ate..
And yes no expectations... funny i snooped again and she complains that i smoked/drank/smoked pot.. but i have done none of those for nearly 3 months.. why the constant complaints.. i guess we had no good times together?
