First Thread in a long time......

[Holly06]

Thanks friends.
You bring me to tears.
Yelloooooooo, hugs and kisses. Call me if you like. Snodderly, as time has gone on, the loving advice you have shared becomes more and more real to me. However, I think I have left out a few points here.
1. TJ and I have all the D issues worked out. I do get 1/2 of retirement, investments, some cash, and spousal support for 9j 1/3 years. That is the agreement that TJ ask me to honor if we did not work things out. He tried to modify this, I declined, and offered him the original, fair document and he has accepted. What he is objecting to is the already court orders TEMPORARY spousal support. This is to maintain me while we hash out the detail, that we have just completed. So the D can come up quickly, and the spousal support will be for 3-4 months if ordered. That is what is so weird. He is objecting to what the court has ordered already, that is temporary.
See, I was unhappy about the level of temporary support, and I hope you will believe my ability to judge fair: it was too low.
But I was willing to live with it, because it covered my living expenses without causing me to dip into savings any longer.
My spousal support is XX for 9+ years, and temporary is less than half that, for only 4 months?

The money that I refer to is money he left me before he moved to the other state in 2006. That was enough money to cover:
a) daughter #2 senior year at college
b. daughter #3 sophmore year at college,,,,,
c. daughter #2 wedding
d. daughter #3 junior year,
leftover medical expenses not paid by insurance co for my surgery to fix snoring. They did not cover because TJ left the co. 3 months after the surgery.
e. about 1 and 1/2 year of the first court ordered spousal support .
Our first D took over 1 1/2 years.
I told TJ that he did not have to pay the court ordered spousal support because he had already given me that money.
And it lasted. Until November. THen the D was dismissed and TJ said that while we reconciled maybe he would pay my mortgage,....he never did. I took that as a sign that all the money was one big pot again.
Then he claimed me, and daughter #3 and still had to pay taxes. I did not get a tax refund.
THere are other small things, but I know I have to let them go. I will lay them all out for my lawyer, but I will do what I can to hold TJ accountable.
It is more that than the money.
The money would be nice.
So he has picked the only, last and smallest part of this to pick at. He will look terrible in front of the judge. Please keep in mind, I am clean as a whistle. I have no idea on what grounds he could be doing this. IMO he is instead opening himself up for MORE temporary spousal support.
At the time of the first temporary SS, my lawyer complained to me that it was too low. He saw my point about the big chunk of money, so we let it go.
I would do the same thing again in hindsight. Because I am taking care of ME. I can live with myself because I have been fair, dignified and full of Grace, and the sharing of Grace.

Thank you Snodderly. I am just more worried about his soul.
He seems more lost now than ever before, and I am grieving that.
Hugs, and THANK YOU ALL for your love and support. I am humbled.