Real Life part 6

[Starshyne]

Thanks Jeff, I appreciate all you have to say. My Xh said how he had the worst birthday ever (Aug 1) and I told him that was okay because I had the worst Christmas ever.

I don't know why I am taking this so hard. I knew (and even told him so) that he would go back to her. He is so scared of being alone. So scared that so he is willing to be brainwashed by this monster who is so obviously using him (for what I am not totally sure....his good credit I think). As someone who cares about him....take away for a moment that I was married to him for 5 years....just as someone who cares about him....she is NOT good for him. I would rather see him with a different woman than her. And I know that I should be mad at him because he made the choice to listen to her and do what she says about not talking to me at all. However, right now I am feeling anger towards her....so that is how it will be.

I wish I knew how long it is going to take me to get over all this. I just feel so lonely. And to be honest with you all here, I get jealous of those of you who have kids. I know that by not having kids, it made everything "easier" on me with the divorce. But I wanted kids so badly and if I had them now, maybe doing things with them would take my focus off the pain and anger. Everyone tells each other to "do it for the kids." Pull yourself together and be strong "for the kids." What if you dont have kids?

Reall...why am I taking this so hard? I am sitting here crying like I did the day I found out about the affair in the first place. Is everything that has happened the past month suddenly hit me? Was this annoucement about not being my friend the final straw that broke me?

Got my hair done today. Red and blonde highlights which look cute. Been working in my classroom more today. Things are starting to look back to normal in there. I am also going to Chicago with my mom to Beatlefest (the Beatles convention I go to every year). That is always so much fun and this year is set to be great. So I am trying to be normal and strong, but it is such hard work.