"Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl, Duke, Duke".......oh, that was another generation. Sorry. You were talking about Puppy? LMAO! Yeah, that's him! The Duke of Dialogue. I rather think of him as "short and to the point"! lol (Shhhhh, he'll give me a hard time about being long winded or some such nonesense as that!)
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Hi buster 80, please excuse me for acting a little crazy from time to time.....helps break up the seriousness around here.
I have not read your thread and from the post so far, I bet I wouldn't have to in order to get an idea of what has happened. You mentioned that your wife was/is 22. She sounds kind of immature. Maybe I better ask, how old are you? Gee, I have a 22 year old grandson and I know how immature he is! I would hate to think about him being married--with a child, no less. Jeepers......gives me nightmares! Don't mean to sound insulting, if that is how I'm coming across. Guess I was remembering myself at 22! I was married, had a baby and expecting another one.....and thought I was very mature! However, I know at 22 a person has a lot to learn about how life really is and that it can kick you in the tail very hard. I also know that a 22 year old woman can easily turn to OM when her H is working all the time and she has too much time on her hands without him around. That is not to blame you at all, sweetie. You sound like a man that works awfully hard for his family and I have to admire anyone that does that. But, I am so concerned that you have no life apart from your job. You don't even have a chance to see you son. That is so sad. He needs you and you need him, too. Is this a career choice for you, your own company, or are you stuck? Is there anyway you could get a better job......as far as the hours are concerned? I know a man has to do whatever it takes to make a living these days, but still, you have got to have time for yourself and family. Does she work? I gathered by her sitting and waiting for you to get up, that she didn't.
I should have gone back and read the entire stitch, sorry for asking questions you probably have already answered.
My advice is to follow the DB book completely as it says. Don't take things out of context. If you don't understand something...ask. We are here to encourage you as much as possible. You stand a good chance of getting her back if you don't go down cheesless tunnels. Do what works and when you see a negative reaction.....don't do it again. Don't allow her to use you, walk on you, disrespect you, or eat cake. I think from one post I read, that she is wanting to eat cake really big time! Don't let her do that. She has to suffer the consequenses of her bad choices. If she doesn't suffer, then she will live it up and continue in her bad ways. She can't have you and the OM. She has to choose. If you can outshine the OM (and you can) then if she has any good sense at all, she will know to stay with her H. A few H's have drawn their W's back by being a good friend, etc., (as is suggested as one of the tunnels that is tried to see if "cheese" is at the end) but if the W has moved out and is involved in a PA......then most of the times, it requires tough love. Puppy can give great advice about tough love! But, I got to tell you, that for some men......being a so-called friend at times like this is the toughest loving they ever had to do, so you have to try to judge which way to go. A lot depends on what type of personality, temperment, etc. that you have. Let the folks here help you with that b/c they have been down that path. You can read other stitch's to see what worked best for most people. BTW, you can use tough love and not be abusive or mean....but you must be firm and consistant.
You said you have not been served with papers yet. So, don't bring the subject up. They may be put on hold for a good reason. The more time you have, the better. Work at self improvements (we all need them) and show who the better man is in this situation. Don't lower yourself to the OM's standards or your W's (at the present time).
Frank and Puppy are good for you to have to talk to. Listen to them. Try to find some good healthy way of letting of frustration and try to find a few minutes to have fun.
Take care of yourself. Eat well and sleep when you can.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi thanks for the words of wisdom. I moved out 2 months ago because she needed space.....only to have OM sleep over. I see my son every single day for 5-7 hours so there's no problem there. My job really isn't a career choice, but I've been there 9 years and it's one of the top paying places where I live. Can't get dayshift yet. Wife is 22 I'm 27. Obviously I've been ready to settle down. Wife is convinced she wants to be with OM who is an ex high school sweetheart. I have a problem with knowing my wife is screwing someone else but I try to go day by day. She hasn't wanted tone with me for years, but I blew it by always sleeping and not being around. Yeah it takes two, and that's no reason for her to run to someone else but it happened. I'm not going to give her the best of both worlds and be her friend while she sees him. She still doesn't get why I'm short with her and will only discuss our son
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
duke, Did not respond to the text earlier. When she came to get our son, I went in the shower so I wasn't here. Well she waited til I came out anyway. Didn't say anything to her. Saw her car outside and was waiting for her to leave and she wouldn't so I texted her saying 'I already said bye to our son' well she didn't get the text cuz her phone was in the car. So I came in the room wondering why she was here and she said ' I didn't want to leave without saying bye' I didn't say anything hugged and kissed my son again. She got the hint and left without a word. Cut the tension with a knife !
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
duke, Did not respond to the text earlier. When she came to get our son, I went in the shower so I wasn't here. Well she waited til I came out anyway. Didn't say anything to her. Saw her car outside and was waiting for her to leave and she wouldn't so I texted her saying 'I already said bye to our son' well she didn't get the text cuz her phone was in the car. So I came in the room wondering why she was here and she said ' I didn't want to leave without saying bye' I didn't say anything hugged and kissed my son again. She got the hint and left without a word. Cut the tension with a knife !
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
duke, Did not respond to the text earlier. When she came to get our son, I went in the shower so I wasn't here. Well she waited til I came out anyway. Didn't say anything to her. Saw her car outside and was waiting for her to leave and she wouldn't so I texted her saying 'I already said bye to our son' well she didn't get the text cuz her phone was in the car. So I came in the room wondering why she was here and she said ' I didn't want to leave without saying bye' I didn't say anything hugged and kissed my son again. She got the hint and left without a word. Cut the tension with a knife !
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
duke, Did not respond to the text earlier. When she came to get our son, I went in the shower so I wasn't here. Well she waited til I came out anyway. Didn't say anything to her. Saw her car outside and was waiting for her to leave and she wouldn't so I texted her saying 'I already said bye to our son' well she didn't get the text cuz her phone was in the car. So I came in the room wondering why she was here and she said ' I didn't want to leave without saying bye' I didn't say anything hugged and kissed my son again. She got the hint and left without a word. Cut the tension with a knife !
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
duke, Did not respond to the text earlier. When she came to get our son, I went in the shower so I wasn't here. Well she waited til I came out anyway. Didn't say anything to her. Saw her car outside and was waiting for her to leave and she wouldn't so I texted her saying 'I already said bye to our son' well she didn't get the text cuz her phone was in the car. So I came in the room wondering why she was here and she said ' I didn't want to leave without saying bye' I didn't say anything hugged and kissed my son again. She got the hint and left without a word. Cut the tension with a knife !
Buster,
You will want to at least be civil to her. It will make a difference later, if you are to ever reconcile, trust me. If she says goodbye, say goodbye back -- be polite. Treat her like a cousin or a co-worker.
