What you put in your last few posts reminded me so much of when my H came home last time.
As I've told you before I was in a SSM at the time (although didn't really know it then) I did exactly what you appear to be doing now and offered it on a plate every night for weeks. At first it was a huge thrill to him but gradually I could tell that even this had worn thin. He even admitted that he didn't actually need or want 'it' everyday.
I can pinpoint when I think our initial hard work started to fall by the way side and frighteningly it is only two months after he came home. We had been going on a date night evey week each of us taking it in turns to decide what we were going to do. Then we had some annual leave together (it was while the last olympics were on, the ones that start this week are what reminded me). We were decorating and as we had spent all day together I considered we didn't actually need date night that week (and money was a little tight). BIG BIG mistake. We never really got back into the pattern of going out even though we started counselling after this event. We just fell back into the old rut. He devoted his life to karate and I continued to devote mine to our children. The events of the last three years were just a train crash waiting to happen.
So, my advice FWIW, is don't stop completely but mix it up a bit. It may be that he now feels that HE wants to be able to initiate things sometimes (even though his original complaint was probably that he always had to initiate).
Also something struck me about the bad fight you had and the way you described the convo. I had a similar type of exchange with my D13 tonight (different topic obviously) but your Hs words struck me as being very much like those of a teenager. I was trying to tell my D13 that she can tell me anything and I will always listen. She heard that as I want to be an interfering, cow of a mother who wants to be in control all the time. She is hardly eating anything at the moment and has missed at least one period and I am very concerned about her. She doesn't see the care, she just hears words that she thinks say' D13 you are no good, your brother and sister are far superior to you, you do badly at school. I know she is depressed but unless she opens up to me enough to let me help her it will be a very difficult time for both of us. I think your H is in a similar place right now.
God bless
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
