Journaling: I had a great day yesterday. In the morning it was not so nice yet, but I just had to get out. So in the afternoon, I went for a walk on the water front and it started to get sunnier. Then I sat on a bench and read a magazine. I remembered a newly opened place where I went afterwards. It is a kind of bar/restaurant and I had a coffee. But there were not many people there, as most of them prefer to sit on the water front I was told by the owner.
By that time the weather was so beautiful that I decided to go for dinner to the nearby town. As I walked towards the restaurant I met my male friend who was chatting to a male friend. Unfortunately, my friend had already eaten and had to go home but he suggested that his friend and I go for dinner. So we did and we had a lovely evening. We chatted about a lot of things on which we had the same views. He also has a sailing boat and often goes sailing with his brother. It was a beautiful and warm evening, and we sat outdoors.
I did not want to talk about anything personal, but I let him know in the conversation that I was married. He also mentioned his wife and two grown up kids.
This morning I got a phone call from an ex colleague. I found out that she works in the area again and I contacted her recently. She would like to meet me next week.
The weather is getting a bit cloudy again, but I hope to go swimming in the afternoon.
I still have not sent an answer to H's e-mail although I have prepared a reply.
You and those sailing boats!! LOL!!! I would love to live near a large body of water. Here, we just get to look at brown dirt and palm trees.
Really, I am glad you are doing some really nice things and surrounding yourself with friends.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Hi Steelers, Thanks for dropping by. Although I don't really like to look at brown dirt, I would like your hot weather! But I do enjoy the water very much.
I went out again this afternoon, as the forecast for tomorrow is not good anymore. I went swimming, and then I met my male friend again whom I only saw briefly yesterday. We went to a small outdoor restaurant and had a drink. He saw some people he knew and we joined them. It was a lovely and warm evening again.
I really need to get some sleep, as I went to bed so late lately.
You can have my weather anytime you'd like. Just send me some clouds, rain, and snow.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Hi Steelers, We got such a lot of rain this afternoon, there would have been enough to send you some - LOL.
I had another nice afternoon. Initially, I wanted to go swimming, but then it already got cloudy and I decided to just go for an ice cream to a local restaurant. After about one hour of sitting there on my own, I wanted to go for a short walk and ran into two friends. They were on the way to the same restaurant and asked me to join them! So I did. Suddenly the sky got very dark and we all "ran" home before the downpour. I just made it in time to close all blinds.
In the evening a GF called me and I told her what I did lately. She thought that I got to know quite a few people. I said that I did get to know some nice people, but they are just acquaintances not real friends, and they never call me to do something or meet them. But I do appreciate having got to know them.
I was thinking of nlt today. This could have easily happened to me if we did not have the law of a cooling off period of two years before the D. A friend told me that H told her at the beginning of his A that H wanted to M OW as soon as possible and spend as much money as he could, so there would not be much left for me!!!!! (He did not think that there would not be much left for him either - LOL.) So whether he really intended to M OW or just said it to string her along I don't know. Anyway, H (and MIL) told me that they broke up, but I don't really believe it.
I finally send H a reply to his e-mail. It was friendly and not emotional but full of facts. I also told him that HE will have to do all the paper work if he wants a D. I am already prepared to get the answer that he wants a D.
Hi everybody. I would like to wish you all a lovely week-end.
Journaling: I called a GF yesterday evening and we went to a newly opened restaurant/bar for a drink. We had a nice evening.
This afternoon I met the "sailing guy" by chance and he told me that he tried several times to call me during the week but my mobile was turned off. He thought I was on holiday! Well, I was not at home most evenings but unfortunately, he did not try to call me on the land line phone. Well, he said that he would go sailing next week as well and that he would try again.
I am just about to find somewhere to go to tonight but am not sure whether I will be able to go anywhere. In the town nearby there is a big summer festival, but I don't really like such a huge crowd. I might just go to a small place by myself.
This morning I was thinking that I am not sure if I cold live with H again, as I am enjoying my freedom at the moment. However, I do miss him in the evenings when I get home and there is nobody to talk to. I would like to share with somebody what I experienced during the day.
I guess it will get harder to live with somebody the longer I am on my own. I just hope I will not get any strange habits like everybody gets who has lived alone for a long time!!! That worries me a lot.
I think we would like to come on one of those sailing trips with you. Sounds wonderful!!
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
True, I hope that you get the opportunity to go sailing again in the coming weeks. It's a "refreshing" way to spend your time away from home. You feel a free as a bird out on the open waters with the wind blowing through your hair and kicking the dusty bunnies out of your brain as well.
Do not worry so much about the future, for none of us can see that far ahead. Live each day as if it were going to be your last, relish those wonderful times w/your friends for those memories are what will lift you up when you are down. As for living alone and not being able to live w/someone again.. Well...none of us knows if that will happen, but I suspect it won't. Live in the here and now and allow the future to take care of it self.
Enjoy your evening.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Just popping by to say hi ! Sounds like you're loving life yet again ! Good for you ! I agree with Snodderly that we shouldn't try to look that far into the future...love to you and a wonderful Sunday ! xxx
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Thanks for checking in on me. I hope you all had a lovely week-end.
You are so right. I should not worry about the future. There really is no point since it never turns out the way we think. I try to live day by day but occasionally I do think of the future.
I had a nice evening yesterday although I did not go to the festival. I went to a nearby place from where the fireworks could be seen. I thought I would be the only person having that idea. Boy was I wrong – the whole place was out there.
Today I went for lunch on the water front as it was not warm enough for me to go swimming. Afterwards I thought there was some dancing, but I got it wrong. And my male friend did not feel well and so he could not join me.
When I got home I had an e-mail from H. A very strange one indeed! I really don't know what to make of it. It said that he had a good idea. I and my sisters should have a holiday at his place. H won't be there for months and I could use it in the meantime! - Well, I thought it was up for sale!!!
He also wrote that he can't deal with the divorce rubbish right now. (His e-mail was a reply to my e-mail regarding the legal separation.)
I find it very nice of him to let us stay there, but I somehow cannot get rid of the feeling that he has something in mind. Why would he suddenly let me stay there? OK, it is empty, and he invited me once before, but then he was there as well. And lately he was so angry with me again because I will get a share of the proceeds. Would he like me to see how much work he did and it would make me feel bad that I still want the money? He told me once before that if I saw how much work he put in I would not want anything right now. – Or does he want me to look after the place and be there if potential buyers come along? I really have no idea, but I cannot imagine him suddenly wanting to do me a favour without wanting a favour from me.
I will thank him for the offer but decline it, as I don't really want to go there on my own or with my sisters. The place is too isolated and not where I want to be. Of course, it would be a totally different situation if he was there.
Somehow I cannot cope when H comes up with some of his ideas. I almost prefer it if he leaves me alone and I can go on with my life. He does not want to be with me anymore, but he seems to constantly think of me. But I don't know whether his thoughts are good or bad ones.
I will also ask H where he actually is and what he is doing. I think after all this time there is no point in DB any longer and walking on eggshells but just be friends. And friends do tell each other what they do and where they are.
I also intend to ask him in a few weeks to only contact me in an emergency as I need to detach from him. That he decided to live his life without me and I will have to live my own life as from now on.