First Thread in a long time......

[job]

Holly,
I'm sorry to see you are heading down that road most of us have traveled. It's not easy, but you'll get through it.

Holly, I'm not going to sugar coat my responses to you and I think you know me well enough that I call them as I think they may go. First, nothing is fair in this world, especially when it comes to legal separations and divorces. We all have learned that the walkaways will promise you the moon and the stars, etc., but the bottom line is, they don't usually come through on those promises. That is why is it very important to have those promises documented and at least you have the option to go back to court and present your case to the judge about him not owing up to what is a legal and binding contract.

You stated you paid for all of the college expenses and your daughter's wedding. Then you said he did leave money for the expenses...what expenses did he leave money for? This will be a question that may be raised if you phrase your financial issue in this manner. Be specific and have documentation for proof of what expenses your incurred in the way of college expenses. As for the wedding, your h can assist w/that, but by no means can you use this for a justification of reimbursement.

As for your teaching salary, that could sway two ways: 1) the judge will look at your teaching position and say "H, you teach, you are receiving a salary, benefits, etc. from said position". or 2) he could rule in your favor and you get spousal support for a set period of time. Do not hold out hopes on getting spousal support if you are working full time. This will dependent upon the judge and the state you live in.

Sit down and really think about what you need financially. Don't dicker over wedding expenses or expenses of this nature. Choose your battles and you just might come out ahead on your expenses. If I were you, I'd go for 1/2 of share of his retirement, savings, 401K that he's been putting money into from the date of your marriage to the date of the separation (the judge may rule this in favor of the date of the divorce). Be sure it's stated in your divorce degree about this.

When the divorce is final and the dust settles, you are going to come to the realization just how much baggage in the way of stress you've been carrying around.