Seperated but living together...

[Kiki1011]

Do you guys think it is wrong for me to ask him to not talk to her when he is at our house? Even if it is outside? He stopped talking to her in the house when I said something about how I could hear him talking while he was in his room and it upset me so now he goes outside, but that still upsets me just as much because everytime he goes outside to talk on the phone I know exactly who he is going to talk to. Is that setting too many boundaries? Will that push him away even more?

[Kiki1011]

So I was just sitting her surfing the web and something in the history page came up for personal adds for other women in this area under craigslist.com, I know that H was on the computer earlier, why would he be doing this? especially on MY laptop? What is he looking for? He already has a OW!!! I don't know if I can take this anymore. I can't stop crying now. Where do I go from here?

[goldeylox]

I know you weren't snooping, but dwelling on what he's doing or not doing is only going to drive you crazy. My laptop pops up all sorts of craigslist stuff too, try not to put too much stock in this event. Too soon to tell if this is a pattern.
What to do next? Focus on yourself. Journal a bit. Vent here. Paint your toes. Make a grocery list. My gut tells me do NOT confront about H's calling OW at home, at least not while you are upset. Maybe write him a note about how distressing this is for you. "On a scale from 1 to 10, my distressed feeling is (fill in the blank). You cannot control his actions, but you absolutely can choose your response. Peace.

[Kiki1011]

Thank you goldeylox for all of your great advice. This is a lot harder than I expected it to be. I think I have to let go of all of my expectations on how things are going to go so I don't keep getting disappointed like this.

[Kiki1011]

Thank you for your advice. I am trying so hard not to beg and plead I haven't at all in the past two weeks. The only time I actually did was the day he initially asked for the divorce. I have to keep on the right track here.

[Virtually_Handsome]

(((((Kiki)))))

You can do it! Remember, the only person you can control now is you. So, do your best at that! It is not going to be easy. Who knows what is going on in his head, it seems to have some characteristics of MLC, but I am more inclined to think it is related to the stress in his mind over your pregnancy. Which is really sad for him.

[goldeylox]

(((Kiki))) We're all pulling for you. Yes, it's hard, but you can do it! Peace.

[Kiki1011]

Last night was one of the worst nights I have had in a while. And today wasn't too much better. I was so proud of myself because I was staying strong and had so many good days in a row. Now I feel like I am right back where I started. I cried harder than I have in a long time last night.

I couldn't sleep at all last night. I kept dreaming about everything that is going on. I couldn't get H out of my head. Plus it didn't help that there was a terrible storm here last night and I am deathly afraid of storms (I know it's rediculous, something from childhood). It hurt that he wasn't there to hold me or comfort me.

Right now I am just feeling like nothing I do or say is going to make him come around. I want my H back so badly that it kills me. I hate being in the same house with him and only interacting as if we are strangers. Just a few weeks ago this stranger that I am living with now was the man I loved, cofided in, and ml to. What happened?

I honestly don't know how you guys that have been in this situation for more than a few weeks can handle it. You are unbelievably strong. I just don't know if I can take much more of this right now, epecially for the baby's sake. I see my life falling apart right before my eyes. Why do I feel so down today? Why do I feel like I have no hope in the world to save my marriage right now?

Anyway, sorry if today's post is a little depressing I just needed to get it out. Thank you for listening. I welcome any and all advice you may have.

Thanks,
Niki

[Virtually_Handsome]

(((((Niki)))))

Well, you don't want to be here right now, we are in the middle of a nice little storm! But it probably won't last long.

It's ok to feel the way you are feeling! It really is. You are right about one thing.... there isn't anything that you can do or say that will make him come around. It's going to take consistency from you, and time.

It's going to be hard, but the things you have to do will be good for you, no matter what the outcome. For now, I think you are doing what you need to do. Take care of yourself, and your baby. You can't control him.

[Kiki1011]

Thank you for the advice Jeff. And guess what...it's storming again today! AAAHHH! It's like an awful night mare I can't wake up from. :o) The reason I am so afraid of storms is when I was little my Grandma's house got struck by lightning while we were in it. It blew up the TV right in front of us and started a horrible fire. Plus horror movies always have the worst stuff happening during storms or rain. :o)

So I talked to H around 11:00pm last night. We just made a little small talk at first. We even talked about the storms from the day before and he made the comment "Yeah, I was thinking about how you were home alone during those storms wondering if you were doing ok", that's a good sign right? He is still thinking about me. And he also opened up and talked about the discussion he had with his father. I wanted to leave so I could end the conversation my way but I was so drawn to talking to him.

Before I went to walk away I turned back and asked about boundaries. (kept telling myself don't do it Nik, just go to bed, but I couldn't help myself because I just needed to know) I just told him I didn't know where we currently stood and what I should or shouldn't talk to him about or if I should even sit near him in living room or avoid him completely. I told him I just didn't know how to act around him because I felt as if we were merely 2 strangers living together. He responded that yes I could sit and watch TV with me and that I was the one who was ignoring him, he never wanted to ignore me. He said he hasn't talked to me because I haven't been near him. He also made the comment "We ARE still married right now" and said that if I wanted anything from him like a hug or wanted to cuddle or anything just to approach him. I hugged him and then he asked if I wanted him to lay in my bed with me for a little while to hold me. He did, but then the cuddling led to ML. I don't know if that was a mistake or not. Michelle I made a post about how ML with a seperated spouse could be a good thing. I felt sad a little bit at first because all of the emotions of missing him came rushing up, but over all I feel a little better.