Great update. I am very happy. I thought you handled things extremely well. You let him know there were options without really pressuring. He also took quite a bit of ownership in his faults which is huge.
He is likely angry because he didn't see how good he had it. He is staying away likely because he still needs to work things out.
One word of caution about the "biggie". Make sure you don't harbor resentment if you decide not to have kids to stay with your husband (if that is what you agree to). As a woman you very well might get an urge to have them in a handful of years and he may not want them. This is a lot to give up.....don't regret your decision. This is worth thinking about quite a bit. I know you would do anything to get your H back right now......just make sure the two of you are on the same page.
PS: You are still plenty young for kids. My kids were born when I was 36.
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
I haven't posted to you before, but have been reading your threads, and seeing them as a bit of inspiration. Like you, I am currently separated, but it's only been a couple of weeks.
I'm just so impressed with the progress that you've both made together, and wanted to let you know that I hope to be able to gain some of the patience and peace of mind that you seem to have :)--oh and of course the renewed relationship with H!
All the best to you, ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
TD- thank you for that...i am really clear that whatever he wants to do i will do. i am open to having children, adopting, etc. so far he has said no to adoptption prior to all this...and he is so worried aout my RA that he has said no to having kids...what i now realize is that i think him saying that had a lot more to do with his fears. i think i just have to wait to bring that up. i truly love him and i have always told him i want to be with him forever more than i want to me a mom. so i hope this is not an issue that he cant come to terms with- but so far all he has said to me is positive and i know the kid thing must be on his mind. what it came down to in the 1st week of our sep was that he said "we fight too much to have kids"..which was BS anyway...but now he sees that we didnt fight that much and he was very hard on me. so long story short...i truly want to be married to him no matter what.
SC- no word on the camping yet- i emailed him yesterday..so we shall see...either way its ok!
ITH- i remember the beginning for me- it was very hard..it does get easier and DB'ing really works...DB coaching is great too. ill check out your posts.
Lost and JWS- i love the outdoors- i know that heals my heart and my H's. i feel so happy and clear in nature!
thank you everyone!
Last edited by pisces9; 08/06/0805:25 PM.
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
ps. In terms of him working things out i also told him that if we had the answers there would be no need for spirituality , religion or seeking- life is a constant mission to seek our meaning...he agreed and we talked about that...so it takes pressure off him for trying to "figure it all out"...
so whatever else he has to figure out within himself can take time...a lifetime...
also,that is great you had your kiddos later in your 30's..that is more comon these days anyway...so we shall see
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
yep- thats what i mean by RA... i got it right after we got married...he helped me when i was really bad in the beginning- put my socks on, change all door knobs to handles, etc. it was a rough start but now i am very healthy and under control...very active and can do a lot....
i am at peace with it- i hope he is ...but that will come with time...
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
that is so true ((((Neil))) i wouldnt have dreamed that my H and i would be getting closer again! it happened with lots of PMA and the self fulfilling prophecy notion. i used to worry so much about the "kid" issue that it became a huge issue. if i dont worry about it and act as if it will be ok no matter what- maybe he will surprise me. i know thats a long way down the road- years...but you really helped me see that i can dream for it to happen...im ok either way. baby steps! i just want him home that would be a nice step ! ha ha ha
and yes- my RA was very hard at once point but i have really done well. i am so active and lost weight so my body is much happier now! some days still are not easy but those are few and far between and i just lay low on those days!
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
Lovely Pisces!!! I've just caught up. That sounds really really marvelous, you did great. My bro and SIL are 38 and are preggers at the moment for the first time. I think in your sitch one step at a time. For me it sounds like your h would be more open to the kids issue when he feels more secure and positive about the future.
hi Julia! thank you for saying that- i think you are right about that and that is such a clear way of viewing this. i guess all the stuff he said before about kids was mixed with his unhappiness with us...so i will look at it that way..and now things are getting so good and so clear that i think it will change his mind... i will dream
my best friend said this to me "pisces, H can smell fear on you from a mile away".... AKA dont let fear run my thoughts or my life. powerful.
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
