I think it makes a huge difference if there is adultery involved (in fact, it would be very interesting for you to post this same thread topic on the Infidelity forum!), or if the spouse is walking away for MLC or some other reason.
To me, "cake-eating" is when a wayward spouse gets some of their physical and emotional needs met by their OW/OM, while some of their other emotional, sometimes physical, and usually financial needs are being met by their betrayed spouse, without condition or consequence. When this condition is reached, there is really no incentive for the adulterous spouse to stop their infidelity, because they are "having their cake, and eating it, too."
Yes, God loves us unconditionally. But even Jesus told the harlot "go and sin no more" when he forgave her. There is nothing wrong with setting boundaries for our OWN emotional health, and letting our wayward spouses know what they are, and what the consequences are for breaking them.
