Intimacy Amongst Imperfection

[Concerned_Listener]

Goldey,
The most significant part of yesterday's events, is that my W and I went out to dinner, and dancing and then practiced afterwards. She was not pleasant company the entire evening, but when we practiced together at home late at night, she calmed down and smiled. She asked me where I was sleeping, and was happy that I chose to sleep with her.

Her sister has been a bundle of anxiety, and is apparently worried about the next cooking job. My W is the liaison is worn-out from trying to explain what happened, and reassure that she will be more involved. She had fallen back into a minimal direct role, and as liaison with her sister. I think we are at-risk of losing the job.

If there have been serious concerns I've not been aware of them. Last week, we had two items below quality (smoothies, rice pilaf). This has never happened before. There have been isolated complaints about various things over the past year.

My W said that if she can dance, than she can feel she has something constant and positive in her life, and can better weather financial and other stressors. The good news is that I've cultivated this aspect of our M, and have achieved a dance partnership status with my W.

I think you are astute about me being the scapegoat, and about the basic dynamic going on behind the scenes.

I wrote a poem this morning about being a robot and maintaining consistency and quality with our responsibilities. However, the siren of play, connection, and joy want to enter our lives and we have lapses with our robotic, habitual routines.

I had a lapse with the smoothies. I work five days a week. I cook on Sundays to earn extra money. I've taken on most of the role, as my W was hoping to get another PT job. We've been dancing more frequently and often. We've started going to a Sunday venue, and I was eager to finish so I could join my W. I had a lapse with my robotic ways. I had a human lapse.

CL