Trusting, I have come to shed some light on the money thing for you. I believe in Divorce Remedy, Michelle addresses the money thing as a commonality among MLC about money. They hoard it for themselves, spend like there is no limit, and then brood because they are broke. It is a common theme. I like to compare it to a teenager. They spend spend spend, and then complain that they have no money. If they owe their parents then they neglect to pay them back and put them off til the next paycheck and secretly hope that you get weary of asking. It is a common mindset of teenagers; I raised 3 of them and watched lots of their friends. They do not manage money well, as a MLC. I think you know that MLC is a revisit of their teenage rebellion. If you look at it in these terms, then it makes more sense. It can and most likely is the opposite of how they were pre MLC. I have seen it too. It manifests itself in different ways, but boy oh boy, MONEY is the ticket to fun, and they just can't get enough. To pay you from that, is worth of complaining. I don't think it is fair, but the MLC DOES transfer their teenage feeling toward their parents onto the LBS. I read that in one of the many books I read over the years........ It is a trait of projection. Peter O'Connor describes it well. He talks about a mirror that is blacked out on one side, the reflective side. All they see is you (as a parent figure) that stood in the way of all they want and desire. I explained their Dad's behavior to my grown daughters that way. I compared the way they felt about me imposing rules on them as teenagers, that they did not want, or think they needed. They did not see that their actions required limits, or that these limits represented love. It made sense to them. I did not "love" my parents when I was a teenager. I disliked them. Even when they were loving or kind, I thought that was just temporary, and I was filled with the need to get out from under their control. I was XX old for goodness sake!!!! I knew so much more than them...... Remember? That is how our MLC feels. They know that their parents will love them unconditionally when they forget or maneuver to not pay them back promptly. After all, they earned the money, and they resent that I expect them to pay me back. I expect them to forgive the debt, if I am "poor" enough.
Trusting, your H is a teenager. He expects to get away with it,as if you are the parent.
HOpe this helps.
I also believe that we must stick to our guns when it comes to letting them off the hook in regards to any of this. We must let the natural consequences of their behavior bite them in the dairee aire. Do not save them from the natural consequences. They chose this destruction and path, they need to feel the pinch. It is for their own good. Cheers, Holly
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
