"When one door closes, another opens. But we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us." - Helen Keller
Well, haven't seen H in 3 days. Exchanged a few kid related TM's and e-mails. Of course no comment, nothing said or written about the letter. It's now 4 days post outing OW.
The kids and I travelled to our hometown, where H and I met in high school. I stayed with our best friends, his best friend from childhood. Since he is an only child he has always considered him his brother, and our kids call him uncle. It was strange being there without H. I'm glad I went though. Now I know I can. I can fit in and be welcomed without him.
H sent a TM when we were on our way home telling me that if S9 wanted to stay with him while D15 and I drive to g-ma's to pick up the dog, he would love to have him. I told him we had plans already. I know it pissed him off, but I'm done giving in to every request. He didn't offer to keep the dog for the weekend, so that added another hour of driving to my weekend.
I did tell him he could pick D15 up from band camp and bring her home today to look at the state of our home remodel. It's really out of control right now. I wish I would have waited..........but it's too late now.
I stopped to see MIL over the weekend. S9 and D11 spent the night with her Saturday. She is very hurt and upset about the way H is treating her. He's an only child, his father died when he was 50, and she's been alone for 21 years. I tried to tell her enough to understand that THIS is not him, and that his actions are not directed at her. I told her he just doesn't care about anyone except himself at this point. I didn't tell her about OW. Didn't think she could handle it. I'm so glad I stopped by and visited with her, because she really needed someone to talk to.
I guess it helps to be validated----to have friends and family recognize that H is some other creature, not himself. But in the end, he's still an alien and I will have to deal with him when he stops by at noon and later when he picks the kids up for the night. It's so hard to look at him and know that even though he looks the same, he's some other person!!!
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
Here's my question of the week. Should I tell my H about the conversation I had with his mother? Would it really not reach him if he was told that his own mother thinks he hates her???
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
Just popping in. I don't know your entire sitch, but I saw your post to redsawks. I wouldn't say anything to him about your convo with his mom. That's up to the two of them to work out. Not you. My h is an only child too. They're a different breed really.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
She needs to tell him. It's not your place to get involved in their relationship.
He is a big boy and can talk to his own mother. Let him live his life. You need to step back and stop trying to manipulate situations in hopes that it will bring him home.
Trust me, it will bite you in the butt. You will be seen as sticking your nose where it doesn't belong, and you are.
Just pray that God will help your H's relationship with his mother to heal and let HIM do the work.
Stay out of it.
period.
BFM
There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you. David Burns, Intimate Connections
OK. So I probably screwed up by talking to her about as much as I did............but I think I made her feel better----that this wasn't about her.
I was just thinking the other day about my H being awarded the "Citizenship Award" in high school............a fine upstanding man who is now an adulterer............oh well, can't change it
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
