Hi to anyone that knows me. I thought I'd move over here seeing as this is where I am now.
Brief summary - you can see in my sig the bare facts. H is a SA and mid June he told me that he had been acting out for the last 10 years of our marriage. I had no idea at all, apart from him being very distant and secretive. Ok, so it's probably more accurate to say that I had some idea, but he kept it hidden very well and he lied even better.
At the time he told me he said he didn't want to deal with his issues, I agreed then that our M was over. As far as I am concerned if he wanted to stay with me and work on things then I would. He doesn't want to stay, he's currently looking for a permanent place to go.
As soon as we had told our parents (and he could answer the 'Are you having an affair?' question with 'No') he started to see someone, I think he had been having an EA with her for a while. He has told her his issues (ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch), and they seem to be getting on well. At the moment he is still living here at weekends, and so he texts her all the time which is really hard for me to deal with. We are due to go on holiday next week and we have set some boundaries in place with regards to the texting/calling her.
What I am finding very hard is to separate the end of our R with his new R with gf. When there was no-one else in the picture I felt as if it was something we were going through together, and I could see clearly the issues surrounding our breakdown (there are others besides the SA, honestly!). Now he has someone else it seems all my logic has gone out of the window and I feel horribly rejected, very emotional. It was one thing to agree to go on holiday as a family when my only issue was can we go without arguing (no problems there), but now he has someone else it's a 100 times harder.
I am having problems detaching because I know that for my part we are separating because it is the right thing to do for me, not because I necessarily want to. H on the other hand isn't really detaching any more than he already had done throughout the course of our M, ie he is having a PA with someone else but still wants a very close friendship with me and is even very flirty, particularly when I try to detach from him.
(iamlost - no foot stamping, just lots of flirting... great while he was here, and then he phones to talk about spending New Year with gf and I am crushed, and have to start detaching all over again.)
I am sooooooooooooo tempted to start internet dating because it soothes the pain of the gf. In reality, this is the last thing I want to do if I am to deal with the ending of my M properly. If I could separate the end of our M from H's gf it would be better.
Me:36 M:16 D final: 08/09 Ds:10&5 Ss:8&3 Bomb 3xPA 200 sexual encounters 15/06/08
