my situation has just started (getting served the papers soon) and maybe I'm not primed for giving out advice, but here's my first real attempt....
let the SOB cry and apologize. do not falter. a lot of people on here would KILL to have the STBX crying and apologizing, having doubts about what s/he is doing. be resilient. you had a life before him, its waiting to show its face again if you let it.
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
maybe the one thing we all have in common is that our spouse is messed up in the head in some way or another, but whatever brings us together......
I (maybe) know how you feel about H....same way we all feel during these tough times. some days I can hate my W and OM so much but if she came running back it would be SOOO hard (hard is not even the word) to not just take her back right away. We get so used to time and life flying by that when these things happen, we get to see how slow and precious life can be at times.
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
you gotta plan some "me" days where you make yourself fall off the face of the earth. go to the park, go swimming (it's hot here!) try para-sailing or jet skiing; something, anything ! yeah you gotta do the whole "papers" thing; at some point we all do. do the papers and then go out for a drink. go window shopping. go shopping for REAL (bad habit here).
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
my wife blames the fall of our relationship on me. most days I believe her, then I remember she was the quitter. I just didn't try to save us because I didn't know there was a potential threat (OM) or that she would leave at all. i HATE that saying "you don't know what you have til it's gone" but that damn thing can't be truer.
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
every relationship i've been in that has ended I thought was the end of the world. yeah, marriage is different (better or for worse, sickness and in health) unfortunately there's no OW/OM clause. if he comes back, freakin awesome. if he doesn't, freakin awesome; you won't have to worry about walking on hot coals or what to say or what to do anymore. its like prison trying to cater to someone else who isn't sure of their position. let loose before this fully consumes you !
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
Thanks Buster. I talked to him a little today, just asked him if this is still what he wants. He said yes, so I suppose... I guess Im disappointed, but not surprised. And considering the fact that I have taken some control in the sitch I think that this is less of a blow than the initial bomb. I have been out on a few dates, so I feel kind of silly being disappointed at all, but I do.
I guess the confirmation that he really doesnt want to try to fix his mistake is the worst part. When you hurt someone you love, you are supposed to want to try to fix it!?!
I dont want someone like him in my life, my friends dont lie to me, why would I allow my H to? Its time to get back on my road to recovery, had a little bump, but I can and will get past it.
Thanks everyone.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
I had my H served, even though I didn't want it. He was shocked to say the least. It has changed his attitude to a point.
Buster has a good point, Your H is a quitter to a point. He doesn't want to do the work needed for you guys to rebuild your relationship. It seems that he keeps sending you mixed messages.
Keep at DB, even if you guys file. It has relevance for your single life as well.
Hang in there. Keep the faith
Kristen
Me:34 H:38 Together 15yrs M 4.5yrs M: 3/19/04 S: 6/23/08 Bomb: 6/25/08 I filed: 7/21/08 (One way to shock him, he was filing anyway)
I am getting mixed messages. I think that Im ready to stop listening. Im sure that hes greiving for the end of his affair still, and you know what? I dont really give a crap.
I really have learned a lot from this process, and DBing. When he said that he did still want a D I said ok, I guess its easier than facing what you have done. He spouted off some crap about how this isnt easy for anyone. I told him that he has NO right to talk to me about how hard anything is, I dont care.
I guess I gave the wrong finger to the wrong man...
