I moved out to give him space

[istherehope]

Hi Daisy,

Like you I moved out to give H space. Like you also we are going to counseling, individual and couples. I have to warn you though, that couples counseling can be a bit of a double-edged sword. If you are seeing a Christian therapist, the good thing is that he/she will likely be pro-marriage.

We have had one session so far as a couple, and my DB coach made a few suggestions for how to use this session as a chance to show off DB skills. Maybe the tips would be of use to you if you see any similarities in our situations...

*Use the initial session as a way to demonstrate that you care enough to listen, and are strong enough to take the whole truth (for me this is because an issue was me not listening, and I had broken down and cried when H first shared his feelings). I told the counselor that I wanted to take the time to hear H's POV, as in the past this wasn't always something that I did. I went further to say that now that I'd had time to process everything, I was no longer devastated, and wanted to focus on the future and how to make positive changes.
*Don't take the couples session as an opportunity to vent your own feelings--not that you don't deserve this too, but as you are the LBS, it's necessary at first to focus on the other's concerns

Again-take this with a grain of salt as your own issues may be completely different to mine, but if you have recently been a little more clingy than you would have liked to have been, the counseling session really is a great opportunity to show your strength.

After his session he texted to ask about getting together and I offered to meet him but then we deided not to get together because he had a lot on his mind and needed time alone to process. He did say the session went well and told me quite a bit about what they talked about. Our next session will be awhile away because our counselor is going on vacation but the next time we go will be as a couple which will be interesting.

While you didn't say how you handled this interaction, i.e. what you said back to your H, it sounds as though you handled it quite well, and gave him the time to process. Really well done!

Also, if you're at the ML stage, that is a LOT better than most of us on the boards. I would love for even a cuddle on the couch at this point!

I think you have a lot to be cautiously optimistic about!

ITH