Mulesqb - Still alive and Kickin'

[mulesqb]

Hey FIB - I don't think so but anything is possible. She even cycles between the nieghbor and his W. Unfortunately I work in Manhattan and can't be home to see evrything. But I really don't think so at this point. Don't ever feel bad about asking - I am thinking about this stuff 24/7 so I think about it all the time.

[mulesqb]

Hey Puppy - I know - she had dropped for 3 weeks. He makes it a point to call me or ask for me anytime she is around. She is swearing up and down that those thoughts don't enter her mind at all about him - but I don't believe anything I hear and believe 50% of what I see. I still see enough of her morals to think she hasn't gone that route yet. But would I be shocked at this point?? Let's just say I'm preparing for anything and she is well aware that is a deal breaker for me.

[mulesqb]

Hey KJ - Great advice - I will definitely keep my mouth shut from now on. Unfortunatley when I rub her legs it's in the dark so i can't really see her eyes.

[mulesqb]

Hey LHF - Thanks for the support - it is greatly appreciated. We are in such similar sitches - that is what drew me to your thread. The hardest part is staying off the roller coaster.

[mulesqb]

Hey guys - I should have come here before I did anything but on my train ride home tonight from work I couldn't get the BB Gun out of my head. So when i got home tonite I confronted her about it. Please tell me if I screwed this up - but I REALLY felt I needed to say this to her.

I told her that I was very upset about her decision to let our S7 play with a BB Gun without consulting with me first. I was even more upset to come home and find himn alone in our house with another 7 year old boy with a loaded BB Gun on the floor and our dog running loose with no adult supervision. I told her that I deserved a phone call (I was picking up S14 from my brother's and only 15 minutes away) to discuss this. I told her that i felt she put our son in harm's way and that I can no longer take any chances when i feel their saftey is in question. I told her that 7 years old is too young to playt with any gun that doesn't shoot water and especially with absolutely no adult supervision. She tried to defend herself and i got a little animated. I told her that there is no excuse that is going to satisfy me. She said she thought it was ok - so i cut her off and asked her if it was ok that the other boy was carrying the gun across his chest and unknowingly pointing it at our son's neck. I asked her if it was ok that our 7 year old son was carrying this gun and has never been taught how to use one by anybody. i asked her if it was ok for our 7 year old son to try and KILL animals at such a young and innocent age. I'm sorry guys but I am furious at this lapse of judgement. My W has been crying all night. I don't care if this causes her to leave right now. All I can think of is if that gun accidently went off while it was right next to his neck. Maybe I am overreacting but I think this is the worst thing she has done. When i got home she had no idea where he was. I told her that I don't feel very comfortable leaving her alone with the boys right now and that I need time to think.

I told her that I support her need for friends and space and being free but not at the expense of our children's safety. Somehow she tried to direct the conversation to me spending too much time with the kids again but I called bullsh!# on that one. I told her that this is very serious to me. We ended up hugging somehow. She tried everything to defend herself but I wasn't taking it this time. I did tell her I love her - not to pressure her but to show her that I am here to help her - she cried more.

She is very emotional now and has retreated downstairs. I have no idea what she is thinking now and who she has talked to as i took my S10 to his baseball game tonight so I'm sure she was talking to someone. i am actually hoping she talked to my neighbor and he asks me about because i will go off on him like there's no tomorrow.

[Bworl]

I hope you keep an eye on that woman.

While I agree with you completely on the whole BB gun issue and even support you confronting her about it, I worry about her state.

This is a woman who has been in a fragile state for some time. I keep thinking that at some point there could be a really low, low.

If she sleeps apart from you tonight, please at least check in on her.

There's a lot of little child in her right now. She is easily overwhelmed, prefers to avoid responsibility, and is at her best when she can just have fun. Even her enjoyment of Duncan smacks of a childlike response.

You toe a very delicate line here Mules.

Always, I repeat always, think through what you need to say and how you plan to say it. I think you did alright tonight with the issue at hand, but you're clearly in an agitated state.

You're a good man and a strong man. Your family needs you to continue to carry the load. Make sure you are taking time to keep yourself strong too.


Blessings,

Bill

[goldeylox]

Mules, IMO, I don't think you screwed up at all. S7 is too small to be using a BB gun unsupervised. Period. If she has experience w/ guns, then she knows to have the kids go through hunter safety training, to have them shoot at tin cans, never people, etc. You did not blow it, you were expressing your opinion about a dangerous situation.
Good job with the BS meter, and deflecting her attempt to shift the focus to your R with kids. Great job, actually.
"She is very emotional right now." Very confused,too. She's off the deep end, man. Would the "old" W have allowed the BB gun unsupervised?
I don't want to focus on the BB gun though. I see a pattern around negotiating when you are miles apart. Lake George, you take a step closer. Parent's party, she takes a step closer. Someone will have to take the first step with the ML issue. Honestly, I'm surprised she was able to offer going to the anniversary party. (By the way, she's mad that no one's taking her side. I did the same thing.)
A suggestion...ask her, "What can I do that will make the anniversary party more bearable for you?" She may respond with an answer that you cannot validate. If you hear anything (ANYTHING) you can support, then take a step closer. Maybe she'll do the same about Lake George, maybe not. Peace. my current thread: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1544115

[goldeylox]

While I agree with you completely on the whole BB gun issue and even support you confronting her about it, I worry about her state.

Sorry Mules, but I have to ask, does she have access to any guns? Peace.

[mulesqb]

Hey Bill - Thanks for the input - i will definitely check on her tonite. She met us at the diner after the game and spent time with me with Duncan when we got home. I'm pretty sure she'll come to bed tonite and if she repeats her pattern will either wake me in the middle of the night becuase she is upset or talk to me in the morning when I get up. She has IC tomorrow at 9:30am.

I feel better now -calmed down. It just kills me - if she was right this would have never happened - EVER. I just wish i could get her to see a psychiatrist. I don't know how to accoplish that right now.

Thanks for validating me - I was worried I was being a little old fashioned - but there are a few things that will set me off.

Thanks for the kind words. I'm ok, always a little sad - but definitely focused.

[mulesqb]

Thanks Goldey. The thing that got me animated tonite was that she said that she didn't know it was that big a deal. At the sake of not getting angry again - that was what set me off.

No way the old W even comes close to letting that happen. Your so right about the confusion. Her face says it all right now.

Your exactly right about my family. How did you handle it, did you eventually get over it?? I'll read through your thread. I don't think we'll be MLing anytime soon, not after today.

Thanks for the advice about LG and the party, I'll try that.