FrankV, I hope you will not stop posting completely. I can understand your situation b/c I have discovered that I am in the same boat. However, I went back, and although I did not read all of your posts, I did read several. I have always thought that your advice was sound.....and this is coming from an almost WAW! I have tried to place myself in your W's shoes when she read your posts. I am sure that the guilt and remorse she felt due to seeing the "pain" she caused--right there in typed letters.....had to be a shock. But, in all fairness, I do not believe you were curel or mean. Nobody knows who you are--nor do we have a clue as to who she is. I would hate for the board to lose your valuable input. To be honest, I think it would have been good for me to see my H write out his feelings and talk the way you have. My H is the opposite. He never talks about his feelings, or anything else except the weather or things like that. You see, that was exactly what I have needed in my M that I never received!! I don't know what your wife said to you but I'm sure she was embarrased and felt that everyone in the world knew who she was,etc. but you know as well as I do that isn't the case. I have just learned to try to talk as though I knew my H was reading everything I said. Which, for me, is hard to do, but it doesn't stop me.....as most of you know. So, I hope you won't stop either. This board needs you.
For what it's worth, it was seeing the pain of the LBH that made me finally feel the remose that I needed to feel. I knew and I felt guilty and I was ashamed, but at the same time I still had enough resentment toward my H that it prevented me from feeling the sorrowfulness that I needed to feel. WAS's may try to justify their reasons for WA, but I think when all of it is "over" and they decide to try to piece the M together again.......it is important to feel sorrow.....on both sides. That helps with the forgiveness and the repentance....and it helps to have that brand new beginning feeling.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
