CAKE-EATING

[sgctxok]

Doing things for your absent spouse should not make you feel used or resentful.

Doing things for your absent spouse in order to exact an action or reaction from them is manipulation.

Take the time to get in touch with why you are doing what you are doing. If you can live with it it truly doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

~ swl

From GETTING THROUGH TO THE MAN YOU LOVE, Page 40. This is only part of it, so you can get the whole response in the book, but:

Q: Isn't it manipulative to try to change him?

A: Sometimes women wonder if they are being manipulative when they begin using the methods described in this book because they learn to become strategic about how they approach their partners, instead of just allowing emotions to guide them and doing "what comes naturally." But when you're in a relaitonship, you want that relationship to be the best it can possibly be, and you want to do whatever it takes to get there. There's nothing wrong with that. An you're not an evil person because you want your partner to be more sensitive to your needs. No matter what he tells you, he wants the same consideration from you....."

..... "So, remember, whether you do it effectively or ineffectively, when you ask your partner to do things differently, you are trying to change him........Furthermore, if you spend a lot of time trying to change him with ineffective methods, you will start resenting him because he's not bending and he doesn't exactly appreciate you either. In fact, he gets downright mad. So, if you are going to reform your partner in any way, big or small, why not use a method that's sure to minimize resistance and feelings of indignation and hostility?"