there are so many variables in different situations.
if you were a controlling prick who belittled the wife, I can't see boundaries working well in that sitch. But I do see them working in many others.
Manning up shouldn't be used to be an abusive tyrant, but at the same time, acting as if while the wife rides the strange dick express isn't going to make you look too attractive either.
also, acting as if during an affair tears huge holes in a mans soul. holes so large that if the wife does come back, they manifest themselves into huge rivers of resentment that erode even more of your soul.
I think it goes back to the "do what works" deal
I was just checking with you on your stand with boundaries.
ya know what I mean, vern?
One man's common sense is another man's downfall. --Virginia Peeples
There ARE so many variables in each situation. And truly, what someone posts about their situation isn't the full story.
We all pretty well know, ultimatums rarely work.
And when a woman who has usually been faithful walks out or is ready to leave ... a man falling apart doesn't work. Setting boundaries and consequences....if you look around at the results....SOUNDS like great common sense and advice...but it doesn't seem to 'work'. WHY....we could look at lots and lots of emotional/psychological reasons. But that isn't what we do here....we experiment and monitor results.....do more of what works and do less of what doesn't work.
What SEEMS to be key is how your W EXPERIENCED you .... not the way you think you treated her.
You might not have been abusive....you might have just been too distant. But first work on repairing your end with her. Do your work before you start setting boundaries.....and be real honest.....and get HER perspective first.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
