BA....how are you doing? I'm so glad to hear from you....
And I'll do a lot more than roar!!!!!!!! LOL....
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
[quote] Kids are smarter than we think.....they will someday know who took care of them...who was there when they were hurt, crying..or just wanted to talk....it may not seem like it now but I know with my girls..I'm already being rewarded....[/quote] Treese you are so right. Thats how they learn by our actions not just our words. We have to live what we believe not just say it. By their fruits ye shall know them. It is a sad fact but true that many abused children go on to be abusers---why? I really have no idea but it happens. My H has no real contact at all with his kids I think it has been way too long now for him ever to get back to a relationship with them, no matter how much I prayed for this to be so. We as a family are closer than we have ever been maybe because of it or inspite of it. I have no answer to that either, but your kids will know who took care of their real needs whatever happens.
Your H takes your son places because he feels safest around him. It is also because he knows your son will most likely not ask him a thing about what he is doing or has done whereas your daughter will.
They cling to those who provide that safety net. I know because my son was H's safety net and security blanket for a long time.
Whenever H would come over it was always, where is S17? Also, a few years back just after the A was discovered and H was in his anger phase, H would talk to OW in front of the girls and they would tell him how wrong it was and tell him that adultery was wrong and he hated to hear it. He never pulled this stuff in front of S17 at all.
S17 is no longer that security blanket.
When H comes over, he is with me now.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
By the way, go and read today's Charlyne newsletter. It is about what Prodigals say/think.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Charlene cares was awesome today....thanks SF...I did subscribe to it but it's at my work email and for some reason I can't get in to it...
He just texted me to ask how sons ears were.....I didn't respond...funny how he can't responde when I sent the text YESTERDAY.....it might have interfered with his plans....and I don't plan on responding....he makes me mad right now...and it's best I don't speak to him....
D16 was able to tryout today...they don't find out until tomorrow who makes it and who doesnt....we're a bundle of nerves right now....
Positive thoughts......
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Treese I hope it goes well for your daughter, sometimes their disapointments are harder for us to bare. Hope son,s ear infection is on the mend my son suffered from them and it is so painful. Take care and fingers crossed.
Thanks everyone....I will say a special prayer tonight....not only for my D but for all of us and all this MLC crap....I need to really pray for patience....it's wearing thin...
now....I need to vent....OK....so how do you all keep doing this...I mean when your H's don't contact the kids....it ticks me off.....
H saw son last Thursday...went out of town and only dropped by on Sunday to get his car...hasn't contacted son...and he knows he's sick..he still has a fever and his ear still is hurting..these ear infections are awful....I am so mad....I had to get on here so I didn't call and chew him out....I feel like sometimes giving up...H doesn't care....AT ALL!!! How does he go about his day and not ever even think about calling the kids? HOW? He looks perfectly fine to me other than he looks a little tired but I'm sure he'll catch up on sleep at OW's house....I'm tired of sleeping alone...I don't sleep well as it is....I'm putting on a front with looking like I'm fine and happy....but I'm NOT!! I still cry...I still think about him...ALOT!!! why does he get to do what he wants while I take care of everything else...why does he get to go out and have fun, drink, have sex, not come home til he wants to, and then if he has a free minute he will call his kids...WTF? Can you tell I'm a little angry this evening....
My friends say for me to go file...get it over with..move on with my life....I don't want to....I want my family back...Darn it....I hate this ride....HATE IT!!!!
SF...how are you so patient??? I am praying...I am trying not to think about it....but it sneaks in and boom....it takes over...
H is just really ticking me off now......did you ever just get really angry at him?....tell him off?....
And I never did respond to him.....
Last edited by Treese; 08/06/0802:03 AM.
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Breathe Treese. I had a meltdown and said some similar things the other day like when is it my turn to just run off and do whatever I want to do. Needless to say, I took 20 steps backwards. H didn't call or return my calls for 3 days. Now I have to take more steps to rebuild. Don't do it!
What you have to remember is they are not capable of all the contact with the kids. I feel they stay away because they are ashamed and not worthy of fatherhood.
My h said to me do I look like a happy man. I know my h is not a happy with his life. My h is just trying to rebuild and this takes time.
When you are angry go to God, never make decisions when your emotions are all tangled up.
What are you doing tonight to get your mind off of your h?
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
First let me answer your question to me. How do I do this? Well, I have been at this since August 2005 and you just grow and learn and make mistakes along the way. It really does get easier.
Glam is right about them staying away from the kids--they are ashamed and feel so much guilt. Try putting yourself in his place. Yeah, I don't know how I could face my kids either.
The day I found out about the A, I did not tell the kids but my son knew something was very wrong and I would not tell him, told him he would have to ask his dad.
Sure enough, H came home and S asked him what was wrong with me. H told S that he was having an affair and the first words out of S's mouth was: What the f do you think you are doing? Are you going to get a divorce?
H told him that we would not get a divorce unless I wanted one.
Then H came in and told the girls. I have never seen so much crying in my life from the kids and H was crying like a baby as well.
It was awful but I never want to look back again, especially in 2005 and 2006. It was terrible.
You will get thru this. It takes time, and lots of it.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
