Quote:
What would happen if you just stopped? FIB


To continue with my old thread....

If I stopped?
Thats what got me here to begin with.
If I stopped?
He would not feel very loved.
He says I only do oral very rarely. The funny thing is when I do "it" he usually does not let me finish. I think he has a hard time accepting me "DOING" him. In any fashion.
But especially oral. For instance if I am slowly seducing him he wants it faster. If I am doing it like a mad Woman he will tell me to slow down. Not always mind you. Its not like that.

But at leat 45% of the time he is telling me like this or like that..... \:\(

I would just like to close up shop and start over in a few weeks .
Re~group so to speak.
But my history is such that I cant.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I had purchased Passionate Marriage on a fluke while at the book store one day. He was In Mexico and over the phone told me he wasnt going to fight for us anymore. I thought I would die. he was everything to me. I was fused with him and far too emmeshed.

Funny, I didnt know having mutiple affairs was fighting for "US"

And yet I still chose to fight for us.

So I read it and I was excited to try it out on him when he arrived. It was like I was making love to a stone. Boy that hurt.
I felt like crying and I had a feeling there was someone else yet again.I asked him and he denied it. He said I told you this was over. I felt so defeated.
He then told me " YOU SEE HOW YOU FEEL?"
"THAT IS HOW I FELT EVERYDAY WHEN YOU ml TO ME LIKE THAT."
" AND I STILL HAD TO MAKE IT THRU THE DAY AND I STILL WENT TO WORK."


Yet not ready to give up. I still loved him so much. I then had a resolve to make love to him with Passion and like these were my last days with him.
Well they were. I honestly never thought I would change his mind.
I used everything I learned.

This is partly why he stayed I know it.
A friend of his told me he listened to this song everyday when he was away from you.

I listened to it and it had to do with he couldnt forget her cause she made love to him like no other and it was like a masterpiece of art and noone ever could compare to her.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

SO~

I dont think I can or should stop.
DO YOU?

He frustrates the hell out of me ... and yet I know I owe him this gift.
ME~

I honestly just have a hard time being very vulnerable and letting go all the way.
That is why I started the journal thread .. for me for my emotions etc etc etc. To get to where he needs me to be and to where I honestly should be.


What do you think?

I am long winded arent I?
Sorry?

All my best to you all and thank you for your support.
Take care and God bless...
~Ali