UPDATE!
well last night my H texted me to confirm plans for breakfast today..i said if you want to go in the hot tub im here \:\) and he came over! we talked about work- something really bad happened to an officer and he is the Sarge so he had to manage it...he opened up a lot...nothing R related..then he grabbed me in the hot tub to come sit on his lap..we hugged...then went inside where we "cuddled" (no nookie)...it was AWESOME! then i said you can stay here as it was 1:15 when he left! he said no...and then stayed on the couch for a bit longer..then said i have to go..i said we will just cuddle- he said yea right. he then said i dont want to stay bc ill be mad and angry..i said at yourself..he said yes..i said ok- be nice to yourself ! he said ok- see you for breakfast in the morning! (why would he be mad and angry?)

so then this morning i met him and we talked about basics...then went on a walk and he asked me how "things" are...thats his way of talking about us..he told me that he has really analyzed us a lot through relationships and sees how much of a good thing we had...he says i was always more "dramatic" so his way must have been the right way and he was done...now he sees how much time we were together and the freedom i "gave" him in the marriage...i said well it sometimes takes getting away to really see what you want...he said his way was the only way...and he didnt see even that i was allowing all this time to do his thing...it still wasnt good enough...wow!

then we went to his apt- i havent been there yet- it did look very nice and he decorated it a bit- how cute...we hugged a lot and i said ok- when are you coming home! ha ha...he said im not sure about that right now ...i said ok i know- where is home anyway?...i said that bc i brought up living too close to my family who are very intense/ aggressive people...i said i know its an issue and we can change that..there is too much ties into them ....i just cant do anything until i know whats going on with us...he said yea....like in agreement...i said i like working for my fam at this point but living too close is too much for us and our M...he totally agrees and i let him know it was ok for us to change all that.

when we were hugging all morning we just squeezed eachother and he and I wouldnt let go...i could see the look in his eyes- some sadness and confusion..but i just let him know it was ok- i love him sooo much!

another point on our walk is that i told him i learned how strong i was and how i can handle way more than i thought...he said you learned how to get out of your cmfort zone and push yourself a bit more- i said yes ;\)

soooo OMG! amazing....i am so happy...BUT a little cautious....

what do you think this all means? i know that it is only positive and he wants to come home...but what is stopping him right now?

where we live? my family? big issues..i know

we used to disgagree always about having kids...he is so worried about ewverything and looks t the worst case scenario-- we havet takled about that at all yet- as i dont know what i want. not sure if i want them or not. it toldhim before this that i want him more than i want kids.

so if he comes back- i guess he knows that issue can be handled no matter what we decide....

im actually energized and happy- but not crazy elated and insane...so i think thisis part of my detachmed feelings...i can take all the good and not get too wrappe dup in it all...BUT

I WANT HIM HOME!!!

(((((EVERYONE!))))))))

Pisces
M 31 H 32
M 7 yrs
S 5/10
Beginning
Contact!
Vibes
Hot Tub
Cheese