It's been a while since I've journalled what's been going on.
Things are the same not much has changed. My W won't give me a kiss but now our hugs are longer. I did what Michelle suggested I asked. I asked for longer hugs I tried my best to not seem needy. How did I get them. I asked for more to get less.
My W and I discussed how our M wasn't doing so hot. I told her that not getting a kiss was a deal breaker for our M and I wouldn't be around since nothing has changed. Her twitching leg revealed that she was nervious of what might happen. She told me how she wasn't ready for a kiss and I could tell she wasn't ready.
I asked her if our hugs could be longer. At least a minute instead of the quick hugs. Sometimes she runs out and we I'll get a quick hug, but for the most we hug for a few minutes. When we hug I can hear her breath move faster and feel her body tense. Sometimes she relaxes and I can feel her heart strongly beat while her breathing slows down.
Today, she was too tired to get up for a hug. I bent down and we hugged. For a moment she rubbed my back. For a moment I wanted to say something about us, but kept quiet.
Living so long with someone who doesn't LY shows how much they really do. When we fight I let her know that she can ask for a divorce and I'll be okay with it. Her only response is "I only said that so that I can come out looking like the good guy". My only answer is I'll tell everyone "it just didn't work out".
For now I'm still M. My D10 is with me and thinks I'm okay. I'm there to teach her about God and to be a good example. Our F's know what's going on and they can't believe we're still together.
