Wow!! First I would stop looking on dating sites. You are not there yet. Secondly is there something that the 2 of you could do now that might help things rather than the he did/she did business.(I know that needs to be addressed but right now you need some positive actions).
Does she know that you are willing to end the marriage right now if the EA doesn't stop? If there is any wavering, that might just get her to realize how precarious her position is.
Just some ideas. hope they help.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory