Wow. I was just going to say that maybe snooping is something that you need to do every once in a while for reassurance, but then I read this:
Quote:
At this very fragile turning point in my marriage I do not want any Mis-understandings to cause me to start looking at the negatives again instead of concentrating on the positives. When I am ready I will ask my W how she feels about me looking at the phone log. Hopefully we will be at a point that TRUST has been regained. If I were to look now and found 1 call. It may have been my W telling the A.H.O.M to get lost for the last time. But As soon as I saw that number I know the doubts would return and I would loose all of the confidence in working through this. I mean hey if she is still calling him, Me looking will not make it undone. It will not make her stop. I can look anytime so why now when things seem to be going in the right direction. And besides what if my wife was just starting to trust ME. What if this was the turning point for her and she found out I was checking up on her? I would need to start all over building trust in me.
He's right. I'm wrong.

I read something about radical honesty once--I think it was in "Surviving the Affair"--and I wonder if that's something you and your H might apply in your situation. The basic idea is that he is 100% open and honest--shows you his cell history, email, etc., whenever you ask, and you have all the passwords in case you want to check on your own. The idea is that once you are confident in his honesty, you don't need to check those things anymore. It sounds like sanctioned snooping, doesn't it? I don't know if anyone has used this and written about it here, but it's another idea that may work for some couples.

amd