She's breaking of her EA...supposedly

[schism]

Well it's been another 7 days since my last update.

W and I had a MC session last Wednesday (have one tonight too). The beginning of the session went pretty well I guess. We had to use adjectives to describe our mother, father, spouse, and ourselves. After that, the session kinda went downhill for me.

I understand my part in the WAW and EA and have taken responsibility for it. She however continues to frame her actions by making me out to be the cause...the 'bad guy'. That if "I" were only different, she wouldn't have done any of this. She's doing the bare minimum to show remorse for her actions.

At that point, my anger started to swell and I couldn't handle much more of the self-serving crap coming out of her mouth. I'm not usually an angry person, but I'm tired of being treated like a doormat. She likes to say that this has been a 'long process' for her and that my pulling away long ago is the root problem. I tend to see it differently of course. I understand her perspective, but also know that I'm a different person and we all express love differently...I just didn't show her enough love in the way that she wanted. And of course, I never told her throughout our marriage that I didn't love her. In fact, I told her quite often that I loved her. I never say "I love you" lightly...I always mean it.

I left the MC steaming mad and had to go cool down before going home. The next day, she said she thought the session went well.

Here comes the fun part. After putting my foot down about the EA a couple weeks ago, I asked her just the other day whether she's had any contact with him. She said, "Well I called him once" and "I have a secret e-mail account, but I don't use it". So she's still lying to me. I can appreciate the difficulty of severing a relationship that "seems" so strong, but in reality is pure limerance (google it). She will not end it completely and is putting me in a corner.

How many times should I keep putting up with this BS?

She doesn't realize the slippery slope she's on. I'm looking at two options here: stay with her and work it out, or D and move on. I love her a lot, but I don't feel that romantic love...I guess it's an ILYBNILY kinda thing, but I know that the loving feeling you get with a mature relationship can come back and I'm willing to stick with it to find out.

On the other hand, I'm keenly aware of my prospects with other women. Add to this that my W has helped put our family in serious debt despite all of my efforts to the contrary (she's never taken part in money management and resents that I ask her to follow a budget). I'm looking at significant freedom and an increase in disposable income if we D.

So there it is. She may come around and walk back to the M, but it may be too late. I have come to realize that my needs from the M are not being met and I may become the WAS. Heaven help us.