My opinion is that you need to tell your H what you think about his meanness to you and the kids, but I don't think he will sit for the conversation. So I recommend another letter. i know he doesn't answer them, but he internalizes them, and that is something. At least the last one didn't start an argument.
If you write the letter, do not accuse him of things. But you can be specific about what he does that hurts you. You can quote his words, but don't make assumptions about why he says them. And of course, I'd be happy to review it before you send it.
