I am in California. When I saw the attorney last week he said without an order in place H can take the baby anywhere he wants since there is no custody or visitation schedule. H has no clue of that as of yet, but it does scare me. I am going for full custody with reasonable visitation. With the DUI and the alcohol problems I don't trust H to take care of her properly.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I understand your fears. About 3 years ago, H got angry and threatened to leave and take D4. He was drunk. I called an attorney. He told me that my H could take D4 anywhere in the state he wanted, but could not take her over state lines. A while back, H said something about moving back to IN and taking D4 with him. I told him he couldn't do that legally. I don't think he's checked into anything. My fear would be that OW would put a bug in his ear about what he could/could not do. From what she knows, I'm a cold, heartless person that doesn't give a sh*t about my H.
Last night was hard for me because at one point.....before the anger between us, I broke down. H asked me what was wrong. I just said...I'm tired. He said, mentally or physically? I said, a little of both. Well, as hard as it is for me to admit this, that's something that H would turn around and use against me.
Okay, me being nosey....what part of CA? Just curious. I lived in Orange County for a short time.
SueS
Last edited by SueS; 08/05/0803:54 PM.
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
He is losing it fast! Well, let me rephrase that, he is losing it even more now.
Don't worry about him being able to get custody. There is no way that a judge would look at his record and let him have custody with his drinking problem. I certainly would talk to an attorney ASAP. You may even want to consider supervised visitation with him being so unstable right now.
He has created this mess, and he wants to blame you, "poor pitiful him". He does not want to take any responsibility for his actions. He is a sinking ship, you are doing the right thing by getting off that ship. He needs help and unfortunately, he has to realize that himself. Maybe all of this will open his eyes.
I know your pain is so real, and I'm so sorry. Wish there was more I could do for you. My heart aches for you.
Hugs, Yoyo
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Yes, watch what you say. I do as well. You never know what will be turned around.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I broke down. H asked me what was wrong. I just said...I'm tired. He said, mentally or physically? I said, a little of both. Well, as hard as it is for me to admit this, that's something that H would turn around and use against me.
SueS
Who wouldn't be tired mentally and physically after dealing long-term with your H? Anybody would be!!! And if that's the worst he's got, he has no case at all. No judge is going to favor him with a recent DUI over you. And if they do random UA testing I wouldn't be surprised if he failed one or more of them, which will also help you. Have you seen an L yet, b/c I think they will very much reassure you have nothing to worry about!!! Karen
It is time to get an attorney involved and have everything sorted out neat and clean. The marriage is over. He is too unstable to trust. Don't worry about angering him. This will protect you from his anger. But you have to do it.
I can't add much more to what has already been given you in sound advice.
All I see is a pathetic person swirling around the toilet bowl in his last throes before going under. He has no remorse for what he's done. No contrition, no repentance. No desire to get himself out of his own mess. Only self-pity. He's not only a typical alcoholic, he's a mean, spiteful one as well.
I have to pity him, but I do not think you need to waste any more of your time pitying him yourself -- you need to focus on your DD and her welfare now. Hire the L and keep moving on, Jr.
I had to be to work very early this morning and am busy, busy, but I'm going to try my best to get in touch with an attorney today.
H called last night around 7:00. He was very short. Last week he found out that his bank account had been charged for about $150.00 in items off of his debit card (unauthorized). He had to order a new card. He wanted to know if it came. He said he'd be by to get that and a few other items. When he got there, he called and asked me to come down with what he needed. He did not want to come up to the apartment and said he just could not see D4 right now. He was angry & short with me. He handed me 50 cents and told me it was a tip for bringing everything. I handed it back. He grabbed the other things and walked over to his work out facility. I had a HORRIBLE headache. I went back in and fell asleep. D4 came in a couple of times to comfort me. She was so sweet.
This morning when I left for work, H's car was in my parking lot. Yes, he was asleep in it. I knocked in the window. He grabbed some clothes before I left and that was the extent of our interaction.
Seeing him sleeping in his car does bother me. I mean he is my H for goodness sake. However, I do know that if he hadn't gotten a DUI he wouldn't be parked there. He would have money for a place, money for a room, money for all sorts of things. Heck, he might not have even helped me move or done anything for me. Who knows. He would be spending a lot more time with OW. I think he might be angry about that. This has put serious limitations on the time spent with her. I know that if his plans had worked out with her back in June when they talked about getting a place, I wouldn't see this at all. I know that H is taking his anger out on me for issues he created.
One thing about an interaction with D4 last night. She was being silly and was pretending to be a bear. She roared and said, I'm the baby bear, your the mommy bear and the daddy bear isn't here, he's gone. I said, yes, daddy bear isn't here but the baby bear knows that no matter where the daddy bear is, that he loves the baby bear more than anything, right? She said yes.
Well, time to go. Time to get busy.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Your H is blackmailing you emotionally. BTDT too unfortunately. Do not allow him to do this to you or to D4. He's sleeping in your parking lot? Why are you putting up with that? I know he's your H sweetie, but he ASKED you to do this. Even if he didn't, you have every right to move and live where you please without him being about under your feet and trying to make you feel bad for his circumstances. He want's you to say "poor H" and step in and provide him a place to stay until he figures it out. JMHO, but his actions are over the top. Can you politely ask him to park/stay elsewhere and not include you in his "new" life? It's time for you to have some space to heal and focus on you and D4. If there is a victim in this, it's you and your daughter. You aren't one to play the victim, but I wanted to point out to you that your H is responsible for this and not you. Now he's trying to prevent you from living your life and moving on. He just ticks me off to no end with his crap.
