I like that. It is simple and elegant. It applies to every morning that you wake up. We simply never know where the road may lead us and things we thought yesterday are not the same as today. And things we think today will surely change tomorrow.
I am off tomorrow for a few days with my sons. We visit my brother and sister as well as my best buddy. Some relaxation. A day at the beach. Some good eats. And a Phillies game.
Have a good week. You really have good thoughts in your head about moving forward with life.
Well, W called a little while ago. Still going to the lawyers tomorrow morning.
I called back and talked with D11 after work. They are going out tonight. She said they are going out with OM to have pizza somewhere. Of course since D11 is a step daughter I really have no say in what W does with her.
Not a real good feeling right now. Or really nice thoughts about W. So it goes, just keep repeating " I will not do something stupid". That should make tomorrow morning more interesting.
Time to test and see how well I can maintain a PMA and not go off on her. See what tomorrow brings.
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does
Y yes,,always better to have a good pma it is all so very diffucult though If only our S really knew how much pain they are creating take care of yourself peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Well, I was able to keep a PMA this morning. The attorney though said that she could not take the case because it was a conflict of interest. So, I guess this gets put off until W makes an appointment with another attorney.
W wants to hurry up and file so she can feel like she is moving on. She is not in a big hurry to go all the way through the process though.
We then went and ate breakfast then to the school to enroll the kids. W did see a more outgoing friendlier me. I talked to quite a few parents and some of the teenagers in SD16's class. Surprising even myself that I was able to feel good and joke around with them.
At breakfast told her I was playing in a softball tourney this weekend. One of the girls on the team told my W that she wanted to date me. She did not say anything but I think it bothered her. Then she went on about me dating. I told her I probably would when this was done and I sort things out. I said I wasn't now because it went against my beliefs to date until this was over. I don't think she liked that to much. Just gave me a funny look. She did almost start crying at the restaurant and needed to leave.
W then asked about putting D11 on our cellphone plan. I told her to wait about a month when our contract is up. I told her I can then put the contract in her name and just go to a prepaid plan for myself. W said that she did not mind having me on the same contract with her.
When she dropped me off she gave me a big hug and started crying. W said that why does it hurt so much to do something she feels she needs to do. I think the hug and tears where just from guilt.
When I woke up this morning and thought about last night I realized that after the first reaction it really did not bother me anymore. I quit awhile back letting my emotions go off of her actions. She has to live with what she does, I just have to live with my actions and choices during this time.
Got to go over tonight and do some laundry. Get some bills sorted out to pay ect. See what tonight brings.
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does
Y I think your W is so confused why would someone do something that Hurts so much? This I have wondered myself If our S are running why does it hurt..the guilt guilt is an emotion that says you have done something wrong yet they either cant perceive it as guilt or their emotions are all disconnected when I do something wrong..I feel guilt that guilt teaches me tonot do it again our S feel guilt and justify it somehow like your W just did you are doing well and she must be baffled at your kindness They all say we should date but not sure if they really mean that and my H also gave me a funny look when I said I wouldnt want to date anyone who would want me as still M It goes against everthing they rationalized
IF someone wants out of a M and even if they found a great person to date wouldnt it makes sense to wait say 3-6 months post D just to make sure your picking someone good who would want to attract a crazy person? Oue Souses dont seem to see the logic in this very old rule peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Thanks peace. I have no idea what is going on in her mind. Tonight was ok with her. At least we are still on good terms. She did make me supper and it was good.
While there she asked what are you going to do with the house. I asked what she meant. She said after the D. I said sell it. She said you don't want to keep it. I told her no. She said that she would finance it if she could, but would not be able to. I don't think she liked that answer much either.
I have to go the National Guard tomorrow in Topeka. W works down in Topeka also. She said we could ride down together. So I guess I will meet her in the morning. Saves gas, just was not expecting it.
I think today I realized that I really don't care if we get back together or not. In some ways I am better off getting a D and moving on. Probably not a feeling that will last, but who knows.
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does
Over the last week or so I too have had these feelings of not wanting to go back. I guess I am scared too that all this pain could resurface down the line if w cant sort herself out.
Confusion and invisible barriers really frustrate me. At other times I just miss her so much too. Turmoil.
Its about balance and your desire to make something work. If we put in a load of effort and time into getting our m's back on track, will we ever be satisfied with the return we get or will we feel shortchanged.
How forgiving can you be? Like you say it might be a passing feeling.
Keep positve my friend and do the good things for you.
Kenny
Me:40 WAW, MLC?:39 Kids:S11,S9 T:25, M:14 ILYB:Apr 08 W moved out Aug 08 W:Does not Want to Try
Y Foe many of us the feelingsof wanting to return and not wanting them returning constantly plays out well we realize our spouses are :sick" in some way some of them have cheated they have abandoned us without a flinch some have left their kids as well the finances ect I sometimes reconize my spouse, but it is confusing as he doesnt act the same to me what bothers me the most is he sees nothing wrong with what he did,,like no one hurt.
you are doing well and creating a nice friendship with wife so only tiem will tell if she is in MLC how long this will take you are doing your part and she is accepting it which is good continue forming this friendship it is a step in right direction peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
