Bring on the Rain - Part 4

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I think I feel about as bad right now as I did in the midst of trying to cope with learning about his A.
SueS

((((((((((Sue)))))))))),

Puppy

[Rob1231]

Sue, Of course you feel bad about this - you are a wonderful woman going through some terrible stuff you never wanted or asked for. Hang in there!

As far as H - well, I'm sorry that he's feeling bad too - I guess it shows there's still some glimmer of the person you care for deep inside there. But as long as he's going to go around "proving that he doesn't have a problem with alcohol", he's still in one very messed-up fantasy world, and you really are better off apart from that.

[L21959]

(((Sue)))

Just checking in on you...you are one strong lady! You are doing so well; I hope that you will be able to have some distance from H if/while he starts to process (hopefully) what all this means.

Hugs to you...

L2

[karen43]

Oh, and he told me that he has to take some sort of chemical dependency counseling/testing. He said, it's just to prove that I don't have a problem with alcohol. I shot him a look of..WHAT? He said, what is that look for. I said, H, you know that you're very, very lucky that you've never been caught. I also asked....Do you honestly think that your drinking was never a problem or caused issues for us? He said, I didn't say that.

SueS

Wow! That is so hard to believe he can still try to deny that. I'm wondering if he'll be able to prove that b/c obviously he does have problems with alcohol, and if they require testing of him periodically will he be able to go sober and pass the testing do you think? ((((Sue))))

I miss the honeys too. I notice sometimes we still slip and call each other honey and we both try to ignore it. Habit or something? Karen

[SueS]

Good morning-

Well, it ended up being a rough night last night. H called and asked to stop by after work. He came by around 7:30. He hung around and hung around. It was getting late and I was starting to suspect that he was going to ask to stay. Finally, he said...well, can I ask you to make deal with me? He said, if I pay you, will you let me stay here until my friend (guy) and I get our apartment figured out? I told him that I wasn't sure if that was a good idea. I could see his face start to change. I told him that I wanted him to see it from my point of view. I told him......You told me to find an apartment and I did that. Now you want to come back and stay here until you're ready to move on with a life without me? H did not like that. He said, Fine, you made your point. I said, H, do you understand? He didn't. I even offered to pay for a hotel room for the night.

This was the not so fun part......

H: You probably want to get an attorney if you want any support from me at all.
Me: Are you saying that you wouldn't help me financially with your own daughter?
H: I can't afford $*** a month for daycare.
Me: She is your responsibility too. Your daughter.
H: Okay then, maybe I'll take her and try to get full custody.
Me: You would do that to me? You would do that just out of spite?
H: Well, you've known me long enough to know.
Me: You'd fight me over her just to hurt me?
H: Well, she is my daughter too. I stayed home with her for a year. I have just as much reason to have her full time as you do.

Okay, he can use that reason in court all he wants. During that year, I did not sit on my a$$, go out and party or do nothing. I worked. I carried our insurance. I brought in most of the income. I came home every night after work and cared for D4 too. Oh, and this is my H that wanted to keep everything civil.

So, H left. D4 threw a fit and cried, cried, cried. I told her that we both love her very much. Thing is, the way she reacted really tells me that she's a lot more aware of what's going on than we ever imagined. She's seen H leave time and time again and has never reacted like that.

This morning when I was leaving for work, I noticed H's car parked in the lot. As I was pulling away, I saw him lift up his head. I got about 3 blocks away and he called.

H: What, you couldn't even wake me up?
Me: I'm sorry, what do you want from me?
H: Well, I could have used a towel.
Me: If you want, I can get you one.
H: Don't bother.
Me: Do you want my dad to run one down to you?
H: No. Hung up the phone...........

So, that's where I'm at. I think I'll be contacting an attorney asap regarding D4. I cannot lose her. I'm not afraid of losing final custody of her, but I fear him taking her for a visit and not bringing her back or taking her and not letting me see her for a while.

What a damn mess. He had my emotions all goofed up a few days ago...feeling guilt, wondering if I'd fought hard enough for my M....etc. Now he's got me angry and worried about D4.

SueS

[Startingover2]

I swear..the more I read of your sich the more I think our H's are long lost brothers. Different circumstances but yet alot of personality similarities.

Yes, get an attorney asap! If nothing else but your peace of mind. My baby is only 4 months and I was/am petrified that he will do something like take her. You should have a parenting plan in place anyways and at least in this state they make you set that up as part of the divorce.

Also, write everything down. Write down that conversation. You never know when you may need it.

I admire you and have for awhile. You are so strong and always do what is best for D4.

Hang in there.

[Rob1231]

He's playing games with you, Sue - using D4 against you because he knows she's your biggest weak spot.

It's harsh, but - do you really think he wants D4 with him right now? Do you think he wants the responsibility of caring for her? H3ll, he can't even take care of himself.

By all means, get some legal advice ASAP. If nothing else, that will take the wind out of his sails.

[Sara]

He's blowing smoke and pushing your buttons. Tell me what judge would give custody to a man with a DUI over a stable wife? And he doesn't have the money for the lawyer to even make the argument. He just wants to make you angry because he was angry. He's starting to feel how unpleasant it is to be the rejected person. Doesn't matter that he dished it out to you for years. He doesn't like it when it happens to him. He was the wonderboy who all the women loved. Now he is rejected and sleeping in his car! And lucky to have the car at that!

[SueS]

Starting-

Thanks. I'm flattered, but I don't know if I feel like I should be someone who's admired. I feel very lost, like I'm stumbling through a dark room looking for some sort of light!

I'm sorry that you're experiencing the same things. What state are you in?

So, H just emailed me.....

S- Remember this. I know what I said and what you said and you're right, but a) I did help you move 70% of your stuff. b) You have a 800. tv sitting in your living room. I wasn't asking for a hand out. There will come a day when you need something........and well....

SueS

Rob & Sara....Thanks!

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Sue,

I agree with both of those last two posts, so I won't add anything there. GOOD JOB not letting him stay with you; I know that was hard.

Bring him a towel???? Good lord, what an azz. Remember the motto: "This is your mess; YOU clean it up."

Give nothing; expect nothing.

Puppy