I have both PM book and cd (my wife doesn't like to read books and agreed to listen on CD). I thought it was ok, but for both of us it was a bit "granola" and abstract. I'm not saying it will be for you as well, I'm just relating what my wife and I both thought of it. If I could figure out a way to contact you, I would be happy to give you both if you would cover the shipping, then you could judge for yourself.
I personally preferred Scott Haltzmann's books, Secrets of a Happily Married Man and Secrets of a Happily Married Woman (which I bought for my wife and she read 10 pages of, par for the course). I thought those had more advice that spoke to my day to day, but everyone is different in what works.
One question. Part of my challenge with my wife's ML and general approach to romance is that it doesn't measure up to my last serious girlfriend prior to her. Obviously there were other issues that led to things not working out (including meeting my now wife while things were already in trouble), but our sex life was off the charts and not one of the problems. This mental comparison still pops up for me and it is something that I have to deal with, and that is after 15 years of not seeing her. My question for you is, and I'm not sure how to ask this gently, is whether that is the case from your affairs? Is part of your struggle that you compare your wife sexually to any of the women you had affairs with? If so, is the thought in the back of your mind that if your wife doesn't measure up to them, that you know there are "other options" for you still out there?
CB
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
CB - If we could just PM on this forum I would gladly accept your offer of the PM book & CD. Unfortunately w/o PM no PM. I'll probably just buy it at lunch, I want to start reading it right away.
Thanks for the other book recommendation. I have compiled quite a list of books to read.
I hate to admit the not measuring up haunts me once in a while. The worst thing though is she doesn't measure up to herself earlier in our relationship. I had several passionate girlfriends before meeting her but I don't really think of them any more. The bad part of the A's was that the passion seemed to just come automatically with them. Of course some of that may have been the newness and excitement of it all, but I think they were just more open sexually to try things and to talk during sex. They wanted it, they wanted me. It is folly, take it from me: Do Not Have an Affair!
The thing is I know passion from her when it is there. I want to feel it with her again. Of course it won't be like the others, I don't want that and I don't think of them, I live in the moment with her. It's like some part of her has died and sex is just something to hurry up and get done with. Her passion and desire is what I want. Unless she wants this for herself I have no way to make it return.
That is the answer I was hoping you would give. I agree with everything you said, especially that if she doesn't want it to be there, you can't force it. I think this is the toughest reality we all must deal with.
CB
Me; 42, W; 43 M; 16 yrs S12, D9
3/13 - "I want to move to XYZ City (four hours away) and it might be without you, not sure" 5/13 - "Not sure I meant that"
Ok Ali I'll get it today. I have it on my list and was going to buy it next. I did like 5 Love Languages and it did help me see how to improve how I show love for her. Now we need to add some passion.
Is this a book that she should read as well or should I just keep it to myself?
I could post every letter I have written to her recently and everyone mentions bringing passion back to our ML. I know it is missing... I want it to return more than anything right now.
I'm off to the book store at lunch then.
~5
Awesome!
I read it by myself. Hubby doesnt believe in books. SHE might like it... but just like the book says. Just cause you read it doesnt mean you are going to have a great sex life.
I wish she could see how vital passionate sex is. This book just may breakthrough? Dunno?
Have you 2 ever tried sex therapy?
Sorry if you already explained this.
That is why I put in time and above my frustration keep loving hubby. He was starving for so damn long poor guy. I almost died yesterday when he rejected me. I took a cold shower too. Believe it or not.
So I cant imagine your frustration love. Hang in there. I am so glad you are going to get the book.
I have heard others say that it is hard to read and hard to understand. But I personally loved it . It made sense to me. I have read it several times. He has a PH D so it is written in "abstract" if you will.
For me personally it helped me with a lot of my issues. I dunno what "granola" means though. So I cant comment on that.
Got Passionate Marriage and already finished introduction and started read Ch. 1.
If I never get her to join me and work on having passion together, I'm gonna at least make one hell of a great lover for someone else.
I can't imagine ever rejecting anyone. First I'd have to get over the shock of having them make the first move though.
Ali - No we have never tried sex therapy. All we ever did was MC and that was after begging her to go. The only thing that got her there was being served divorce papers. I don't see any sex therapy in our future... At least not before she takes serious and reads SSM. Even then it's a long shot.
Ali - So far I like Passionate Marriage. I'll let you know as I work my way through it.
I got the name of a counselor from a friend. I didn't get to talk to him today. Left a message and will probably get to talk to him tomorrow and maybe set up something if I like him and his approach.
Yet not ready to give up. I still loved him so much. I then had a resolve to make love to him with Passion and like these were my last days with him. Well they were. I honestly never thought I would change his mind. I used everything I learned.
Ali, is this what I have to do to reach her? Make love to her like this could be my last day with her?
I got to thinking about last night and I did not make it as special as it could have been. I sometimes don't if she gives me the *chore* feel. I should give her all no matter how she feels or acts at the time. I'm so stupid for letting her down yet again.
I'll probably just buy it at lunch, I want to start reading it right away.
