I suppose this is where I'd be waiting to hear 'keep up the good work buster. Kill the chit chat' and 'don't believe anything she says.' I have not been given separation or divorce papers like I previously mentioned. It's been about 9 days since I have heard anything about it .... Doesn't mean anything....still with OM. Just confused.... First time I caught them in bed all I heard was 'I want a divorce' ever since
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
I suppose this is where I'd be waiting to hear 'keep up the good work buster. Kill the chit chat' and 'don't believe anything she says.' I have not been given separation or divorce papers like I previously mentioned. It's been about 9 days since I have heard anything about it .... Doesn't mean anything....still with OM. Just confused.... First time I caught them in bed all I heard was 'I want a divorce' ever since
Puppy what she is DOING is being nice, not mentioning divorce, and hanging with OM. I did give her parents and sister that article that mark posted on Saturday. About intervention and infidelity/addiction
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
I am guessing your advice is to NOT bring up the fact that I haven't been served and continue to be 'dark' as possible while still communicating about our son ?
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
well best friend talked to wife. Wife is 'sure' this is what she wants. Told my friend that if she ever did change her mind 'we'd get remarried' .yeah that's not her decision really ;-) according to friend, W said I'll be getting my walking papers soon. Don't know what to make of this, but my friend said W is expecting to wait 2 years
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
FrankV, I hope you will not stop posting completely. I can understand your situation b/c I have discovered that I am in the same boat. However, I went back, and although I did not read all of your posts, I did read several. I have always thought that your advice was sound.....and this is coming from an almost WAW! I have tried to place myself in your W's shoes when she read your posts. I am sure that the guilt and remorse she felt due to seeing the "pain" she caused--right there in typed letters.....had to be a shock. But, in all fairness, I do not believe you were curel or mean. Nobody knows who you are--nor do we have a clue as to who she is. I would hate for the board to lose your valuable input. To be honest, I think it would have been good for me to see my H write out his feelings and talk the way you have. My H is the opposite. He never talks about his feelings, or anything else except the weather or things like that. You see, that was exactly what I have needed in my M that I never received!! I don't know what your wife said to you but I'm sure she was embarrased and felt that everyone in the world knew who she was,etc. but you know as well as I do that isn't the case. I have just learned to try to talk as though I knew my H was reading everything I said. Which, for me, is hard to do, but it doesn't stop me.....as most of you know. So, I hope you won't stop either. This board needs you.
For what it's worth, it was seeing the pain of the LBH that made me finally feel the remose that I needed to feel. I knew and I felt guilty and I was ashamed, but at the same time I still had enough resentment toward my H that it prevented me from feeling the sorrowfulness that I needed to feel. WAS's may try to justify their reasons for WA, but I think when all of it is "over" and they decide to try to piece the M together again.......it is important to feel sorrow.....on both sides. That helps with the forgiveness and the repentance....and it helps to have that brand new beginning feeling.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
SG, what do you mean by "how does your wife experience you?" I can tell you that my goals are as follows:
a) Listen, not just receive what she says into my ear canals b) spend more time with her (3rd shift kills ya) c) more of a family man (both of our families); take part in activities d) no drugs ! e) make her feel the way she DESERVES, not how I THINK she might want to feel.
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
